They say you want a resolution.

I know a lot of people don't believe in making New Year's resolutions, but it really appeals to me in the sense that I love making lists, and I love resolving to do stuff. I have been thinking about my resolutions for a couple of weeks now and I really wanted to get them out there in the universe and make a sincere effort to do them. I am also trying NOT to make resolutions for too many things, or things that would take too much time away from my family.

Without further ado:

1. Run a half marathon
2. Finish a 10K in less than 60 minutes
3. Finish a 5K in less than 30 minutes
4. Wear a bikini on the beach (for the first time EVER) on our 10 year anniversary (August 2010), and look good doing it.
5. Take a yoga class
6. Start knitting again, and at least make some more coffee cup cozies.
7. Say "yes" more
8. teach Eli to swim
9. Play in the Gulf of Mexico with Eli and Teddy
10. Have more sex


I also want to update a meme I did last year, since I had to change blogs I'll just update this year's answers in red.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Committed to a healthier way of eating. Started this blog.
Started THIS blog because THAT blog got hijacked by creepy stalker.
Ran two 10Ks.
Wore a bathing suit without wanting to die of embarrassment.
Started and maintained a exercise routine (going on 9 months of running 4x a week)


2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I really can't remember if I made any resolutions last year, if I did it was probably to lose weight because I say that pretty much every year. So I will pretend that was my resolution and say that I kept it.

This year my resolution is two fold 1. Lose 20 lbs and keep it off! and 2. Be more thoughtful. I would really like to be more thoughtful in everything I do, including things I purchase, things I eat, things I say and do etc.

I would say I kept half of my resolutions because on 1/5/2009 I weighed 154.2 (I keep a journal of my weight) and today I weigh 131 (up 3 lbs from my lowest 128). I have successfully lost and kept off 23 lbs from then, overall I have lost 60 lbs from my highest weight.

Being more thoughtful is something I would still like to accomplish and I don't think I have made as much of an effort as I would like.

I would also like to be clear about my feelings and my expectations, without being judgemental or hurtful.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Some college friends of mine

I don't think so, but currently one of my best friends and both of my SILs are pregnant.
ETA: My sister reminded me I have 3 SILs, SO I should say two of my three SILs are pregnant.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No
No

5. What countries did you visit?

Um Countries? None, but we did have a couple of nice trips. We went to Alabama and Virginia and took several trips to the NJ Shore.

Yeah, I'm guessing going to a different country isn't going to happen in 2010 either.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Well since we are moving this year (even if we don't move to AL we will move to a new apartment)I will say a bathtub and a dishwasher, also sanity

YAY. We have everything I wanted, except maybe the sanity. I would like a job that I like and that makes me happy.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Eli's birthday. I am always amazed I made it another year. When Eli was first born I didn't think I would survive to see him turn six months old, so on his birthday I am always grateful to have made it another year.

The month of August will be a big memory for me because that was the month Eli turned 3, Teddy and I had our 9 year anniversary, and we moved from Hoboken, NJ back to AL. It was a very stressful, but happy time.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Losing 30 lbs.

I would say losing another 20 lbs and keeping it off, also moving two adults one child, one dog, and two cats across the country and never completely losing my shit. (not to say I didn't lose my shit, just not COMPLETELY)

Running in two 10Ks.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I can't think of one thing in particular. The thing I most commonly think I am failing at is parenting.

The things I most often think about as failures are the times I lose my patience with Eli. When I yell, when I grab for his skinny little arms to stop him for doing something, those are the times I think about and regret.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No
No

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Right now the only thing I can think of is the Scholastic DVD collection we bought Steamboat because it has kept us sane over this two week break!

The best investment of the year was a personal DVD player I bought Eli for his birthday. It has been a life saver on plane trips, and many a dinner out we would like to enjoy without entertaining a 3 year old!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine. So far I have survived in a crappy job and remained calm and professional (most of the time).

Teddy. He is the only reason I'm able to stay sane. Through out this last year with the move and the job hunt I have been a vibrating ball of anxiety and he is the only reason I haven't gone over the deep end (oh and Xanax, I love you too)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I had one of the people I supervise quit without notice and then badmouthed me for no reason, it sucked.

Unfortunately lots of people. I was commenting on someone's blog recently that I try to be a thoughtful person, and in doing so sometimes I have too high expectations for other people and can easily be disappointed. I need to quit assuming that everyone thinks about things as much as I do, and I need to worry less about others feelings.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Rent and daycare, hands down.

Again, rent and daycare but we also spent tons of money on our recent move.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

This years election.

I was really excited about our move and our new (rental) house.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

I Never Go to Work- TMBG. Eli's favorite song and we had to listen to it all.the.time.

That is hard to say, I'm not a "song" person. I like the same songs I liked 10 years ago, if it isn't on the Journey greatest hits CD I probably haven't heard it.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? Happier
Happier


b) thinner or fatter? Thinner
Thinner

c) richer or poorer? Richer and poorer, we make more money but our rent and daycare increased.
POORER

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

I wish I spent more time enjoying my family, and less time worried they would die, get sick, fall off the earth etc.

I wish I had spent more time being content.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worry. I worry all the time, I wish I could knock it off.

Same. Same. Worry. I am a constant worrier. I worry about things that probably won't ever happen, it tends to really be a damper on my life.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

We spent Christmas at home this year, it was great until the part when my mom showed up.

We had a great big family Christmas just like I wanted. My mom, sister, and her family showed up at 7AM on Christmas morning and we opened presents for hours, played games, and ATE. It was perfect.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

I am constantly falling in love with Teddy and Eli (barf, I know)

I love my husband and my kid more every day.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

It is too hard to list just one so: LOST, Friday Night Lights, The Office, Scrubs

Those are still my favorite shows.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

I don't think so, I think I hate all the same people

I like last years answer.

24. What was the best book you read?

I can't remember all the books I read this year but this week I read Marley and Me and The Hour I First Believed. I really enjoyed both of them.

I read a lot so it is always hard for me to remember but I think the books I most enjoyed this year were The Time Travelers Wife and The Lovely Bones.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I have started listening to way more kids band then I ever thought I would and have found some awesome music! I love the Jellydots, The Terrible Twos, Francis England, Elizabeth Mitchell, and of course Mr. Leebot!

This year has been the year of Caspar Babypants. Eh, must remember to listen to adult music at some point.

26. What did you want and get?

My Advent calender was the most awesome gift of all time!

I also advocated for myself to get a raise, which I got (although technically I haven't seen it in my paycheck yet...)

The second annual Advent Calenderlooza was awesome!
I wanted Teddy to get into PhD school, and he did.

27. What did you want and not get?

I wanted a big family Christmas and instead got my mom
I wanted a job that made me happy (or at least didn't make me UNhappy)

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

I don't think I saw a movie that was released in 2008 so it is hard to say. I watched some Christmas movies on Lifetime and Hallmark channel that were pretty funny even thought I'm not sure they were supposed to be.

I don't really like movies, and last night I was having a conversation with my niece and nephew about movies and the last movie I remember REALLY liking was Little Miss Sunshine, when was that?

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Teddy and I took the day off work and spent it roaming around NYC, I went to Old Navy and got some Cold Stone ice cream. I turned 32 and Teddy turned 42.

My dad came and took us out to dinner and I ate a lot of cake, he also bought us a lawnmower. That was pretty cool. I turned 33 and Teddy turned 43.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

If my job didn't suck donkey balls.
Finding a job that didn't suck donkey balls.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

I lost some weight so all my clothes are too big.

I bought a bunch of size 6 clothes and DAMMIT I'm going to wear them and not get too fat for them!

32. What kept you sane?

My husband. Definitely. And wine.

Teddy. Wine. Xanax. In that order.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Mmm I already did a whole post on who I fancy.

I fancy Justin Timberlake. I want to fancy him in dirty ways.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

I was very concerned about women's issues during this years presidential campaign. Sarah Palin terrified me.

I worry about health care, especially since I work in health care and I see so many uninsured patients.

35. Who did you miss?

I missed my sister and my brother in law and my niece and nephew. I also missed my friends who used to live here and moved (because they suck).

I think 2010 is the year of not having to miss people because they are all right.here. and that is pretty awesome.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

I started hanging out with some new people from work. They are awesome, I love gay men!

Ashley and Lee. They are great people.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

People respect you more if you are not fat.

Ditto, AND I respect myself more when I'm exercising and eating well.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"I like big butts and I can not lie"

"I'm on a boat motherfuckers"

I can't ever take quoting song lyrics seriously.

Bad Carma

I have bad Carma. That is bad luck with cars. I swear a huge part of the reason we moved to NJ was because I thought it would be so charming and fun to not have a car, and it was in a lot of ways. When we decided to move back I was excited about the prospect of buying my first new car, and getting to pick out WHATEVER I wanted. I did research and I picked a pretty color and I got a loan and put a down payment down and although I love my Olive (the car's name) it has turned out to be a huge pain in the ass.

Let me back up and tell you my history with cars. When we moved to NJ I had already been through 3 of them. The first was a Dodge Shadow that was totaled when someone rear ended me (ha ha ha) on a bridge. The second was a convertible Dodge Shadow that had the rag top slashed 1x for just jerky vandalism and 1x to steal the car radio. The same car had all four tires slashed by a jerk who I broke up with, and I ran into my mother's car and my friend's car with it, and it ended up breaking down on a lonely country road and Teddy and I had to walk about a mile to a pay phone and call my dad and then wait about 2 hours on the side of the road for him to come get us. After that my in laws lent us their Celebrity which was an old white station wagon that I kinda liked. That car was totalled when someone T-Boned me (ha ha ha) after running a red light. ANNNNNNNNNNNNNDddd then we moved and I swore off cars.

In August when we bought our new car I thought that surely my luck must be better and that having a NEW car would solve a lot of our problems. Well I was WRONG. Since we got the car, Teddy has gotten a speeding ticket, a squirrel chewed through the transmission harness and I got to pay almost 900$ to have it fixed (our insurance did reimburse us 400$), and then yesterday a nice lady in a gigantic SUV ran into my car in a parking lot. It wasn't bad enough to report, just a small black smudge from her bumper and a tiny dent, but it was still my BEAUTIFUL NEW CAR. The lady felt so bad, and she was really nice because she waited around for me for about 45 minutes until I came back to my car....but still.

I have a weird thing about thinking things ALWAYS happen in threes. If something bad happens I find myself being anxious just KNOWING that two more bad things are going to happen. The other day I broke my watch when I was taking it off, and then later that day the button ripped off my coat and I JUST KNEW something else was going to break. The next day I accidentally broke the handle off my coffee mug and Teddy said "hey! it's the third thing!" and I was so relieved because it wasn't something I really cared about.

Anyway, all that was just to say that I am really hoping that the third thing has passed and now I can get over my bad Carma.

wrap up

I got this fun tea cup on Christmas Eve. I love the pattern, but I'm not crazy about how it says "tea time" on it. I do not like it when words are on designs.

The last day was a gift certificate to TCBY. I love me some frozen yogurt!

Christmas was great and we had a really good time. The whole week leading up to and including Christmas and the day after was filled with food, fun, and family and it was really perfect. I now have to come back to reality and check my credit card statements (yikes) and I started Weight Watchers in earnest again today because I have gained 6.5 lbs since Thanksgiving (yikes). (I read somewhere that 8 lbs is the typical holiday weight gain)

I am HUNGRY for the first time in WEEKS. I have been shoving food in my face whenever I felt like it since Thanksgiving and right now I'm hungry and cranky about it. I threw out all the candy we had left in the house and now I want to go guzzle the remaining egg nog and search for any stray candy canes...

I hope you had a nice holiday and if you didn't, I hope 2010 brings something better.

Christmas Eve Eve

Kitchen timer. I did not have one, and I think this one is super cool and retro looking. The kid on the right is my kid, the kid on the left came with the frame.
These bowls are tiny, I know you can't tell that but they are super cute and tiny and I want to be a person that cooks and puts my spices in these tiny bowls, but I honestly don't see that happening.

I love Christmas Eve Eve. It has all the hope and excitement with out the feeling of ennui I get when the actual holiday rolls around and then I'm sad that it is almost over....I'm like that, half way through Christmas morning I typically start feeling depressed...

I'm gonna go ahead and hop on the bandwagon:

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Egg Nog. Definitely. I love egg nog more than a little and I could drink a quart of it in one sitting, but then I usually get sick to my stomach...AND that is why I only let myself drink it one day a year (usually Christmas Eve).

2. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Wrapping paper. I think gift bags are sort of lame, although I have used them because I sort of suck at wrapping gifts.

3. Real tree or artificial?
I love real trees, but this year I have a real tree and a seven foot purple artificial tree my dad bought me.

4. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
Colored lights and the more the better. I also really like the old school big light bulb colored lights.

5. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
We like LOTS of colored lights and then all the ornaments we have collected since we got married. It is kind of a hodge podge and there is no theme or color scheme.


6. Do you hang mistletoe?
No.


7. Do you have a nativity scene?
No. I don't consider myself Christian so that is not something I have. I was telling Teddy I thought a funny thing to do would be to go around town on Christmas Eve and dress up every one's yard Nativity scenes like Santa and the Reindeer (here in Alabama there are lots of yard Nativity scenes). It would be my pretend anti-Religion statement, but I'm not actually anti-religious and I wouldn't really want to hurt any one's feelings, it was more that I thought it would be funny ( I know my sense of humor is weird).


8. Mail or email Christmas cards?
I don't like email Christmas cards, or Birthday cards...I think they are lame. Except for these:




9. What is your favorite holiday dish?
Meringue cookies. I love them so much.

10. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
The year I got a Cabbage Patch doll. I remember I wanted one REALLY bad and I knew they were hard to come by. I remember opening all my presents and being really happy with what I had gotten but a little sad I hadn't gotten the doll, but my parents brought out the box last and I was so excited. (I later found out my uncle got the doll "off the back of a truck" it was New Jersey and he was involved with some bad dudes, but whatever, I got my doll)

11. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I honestly don't really remember and to this day I have never told my parents that I don't believe in Santa Clause. I think I still do, I definitely believe in the spirit of the Holidays.

12. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
Yes, one small gift on Christmas Eve and the rest of the gifts Christmas morning.

13. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
I would say both, before I had a kid I really liked bundling up and snuggling inside. Then I had a kid who needs fresh air and exercise and staying in for days because the snow is a disgusting soggy mess is no fun, and trying to push a stroller over the giant mountains where the snow plows shoved all the snow sucks!

14. Have you ever recycled a gift?
Honestly, I don't think so unless I have specifically said "Hey, I got this gift I don't like. Do you want it?"

15. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
I like the spirit of giving. We try to give to charities during this time of year and teach our son about doing things for people less fortunate. I also like presents.

16. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?

chocolate chip meringue cookies

17. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
listening to Christmas music and drinking egg nog on Christmas Eve.

18. What tops your tree?
I have never found anything I really like. Although I really want her cool retro star!

19. Favorite Christmas Show?
Elf.


20. Saddest Christmas Song?
I'm not sure it is actually a "Christmas" song but that song Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg. They play it ALL the time around the Holidays and it is depressing.

21. What is your favorite Christmas Holiday Song?
Mmm that is hard to say. I love the Charlie Brown Christmas CD and the Elf CD. We start listening to Christmas music on Thanksgiving and I'm always sad when it is over.

Behind

Elf soundtrack.

Dark chocolate and chili bar....Sounds gross, but SO GOOD.

Ugly doll picked out by Eli.

Starbucks gift card.

So um...The Hangover. I liked it. I didn't think it was GREAT or HILARIOUS but I liked it. I think so many people told me it was the FUNNIEST THING LIKE OMG EVER that I just expected too much. Honestly, I though Harold and Kumar go to White Castle was funnier, and now you know how sophisticated my movie tastes are. I HATE when people at parties or get togethers ask you for favorite movies and other people are saying To Kill a Mockingbird (I did really like the book) or Amelie or whatever and the best thing I can come up with is probably Grease. I know.

Speaking of being a dumb ass, the InExile family is going to have to start for reals budgeting money AND not eating like frat boys starting in January. It isn't going to be a fun month but my spending AND my eating is out of control. I seriously need to reel it in!

I'm also thinking of some things I'd like to put out there in the universe that I'd like to accomplish in 2010. I'll get to it soon...

trees

• Peeps are one of my most favorite things in the world. When I consider being a vegetarian the thought of not eating marshmallows makes me REALLY sad. The other thing I think I would really miss: hot dogs. (EDIT: the deal with marshmallows and vegetarianism is that marshmallows are typically made with gelatin which is made from animal products)
• Teddy got me a tiny fiber optic tree for my desk. Isn't it cute? I'm warming up to my new job and I actually went today from 8-5 and felt pretty good about it...now if I could just get paid vacations and some insurance we would really be cooking
• We had a cookie making party last night. It was very fun, and Eli is good at decorating cookies!
• I'm going to watch The Hangover in about 1 hour. It better be as funny as y'all keep telling me because I'm not a movie watcher but you said it was funny so I'm gonna give it a shot.
  

Love and tiny birds

Calender from the place Teddy and I got engaged. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Plastic birds you stick on the wall that I insist on calling "installation art."

Birds stuck on the wall that I absolutely LOVE.

Tiny bird Post-Its. I have a definite thing for birds, I will have to do a photo essay of all the bird stuff in my house soon.

Sometimes I get absolutely stuck on something and I have such tunnel vision on that one.thing. I have a hard time seeing anything else. Lately that thing has been work. I have been feeling depressed and rejected about my job hunt, and it has been hard for me to focus on anything else. I think that having somewhere to go everyday, even though it isn't ideal, and even though I'm still looking for work, has opened up my eyes a little to see all the good things.

One of my gifts was a calender from the place Teddy and I got engaged almost 10 years ago. He is definitely a winner. The next day he got me these tacky plastic birds that I have wanted for MONTHS and then today he spent his day hanging them on the wall so they would be just right when I got home. I am very lucky.

I also want to say thank you to you guys that commented on my job post and you were really very nice and not one person said "HEY Shut your face you got a job and that is what you have been whining about all this damn time!" even though you might have wanted to. So. Thanks, you're nice.

What's your favorite color?

Dark chocolate and mint 3 Musketeers minis.

Earrings made from recycled magazines.

Buddy the Elf Holiday card, that talks.

Starbucks ( I know, my love has no bounds) acrylic coffee cup with screw on lid and straw for homemade ice coffees.


Bullets:

• My job is definitely good and bad. It is good in that it has relieved a lot of my stress about finances, but bad because I feel resentful that I don't think I'm being paid what I deserve, but who is? I am doing counseling for people who are newly diagnosed with HIV. The grant I'm working for pays for 6 sessions per newly diagnosed patient. There are other bits and pieces to the job too, but that is the main responsibility.
• I had wanted to do a 12K today but I was too lazy to sign up and drive an hour at 6 in the morning so I just did one on my own. It took me 1:08, which I didn't think was awful.
• Elf is my very favorite Holiday movie ever.
• The cookie and candy eating is out of control...I definitely think once you start it is harder to stop.
• We finally got Eli to agree to a picture with Santa for our Holiday cards, but we had to agree to be in the picture with him. We went to the mall today and had the picture taken and now I don't want to send it out because I think I look fat. The fat hatred just never stops.
  
  

Jolly contract

I started a new contract job today. I haven't mentioned it because I originally interviewed in OCTOBER. I went to a follow up interview in November, and finally was called back in December to come to ANOTHER follow up interview last week. I really was never sure anything was actually going to come of it.

I feel really guilty because I know I should be grateful to be working, but instead I'm pouting. I'm pouting because the pay is about 15K less than my old job. I'm pouting because I am working with HIV patients again, and I was hoping to move on to something else. I'm pouting because they agreed to one number and then EMAILED me yesterday and said it would be 3 dollars an hour less than that. I'm pouting because it is a contract job so I get no benefits. I'm pouting because I have a Masters Degree and I'm working a temp job.

I KNOW that this is good. I understand having more money is better than having less. I guess I just thought that with my experience something really good would come along, but times are tough and we all have to do what we have to do. I am grateful to have an income and to be able to pay my bills and make my student loan payments. I am grateful to have some pressure taken off me and now I can keep looking for a really great job. I'm grateful to have more money coming in before Santa Holiday and now I don't have to worry about buying gifts for my kid. I am grateful to be out of the house and feeling productive even though I believe I could do so much more. I am grateful to be able to afford to pay for the school my kid loves.

I am grateful. Really. I'm just sort of sad too.

coffee buddies

Friday's prize was this Christmas Starbucks Coffee. Have I ever told you about my obsession with Starbucks coffee? Well I love coffee, every morning the first thing I do is stagger from my bed to the coffee pot and pour a cup of coffee, before I shower, before I eat, it is all about the coffee! Well over the years we have tried to support our local coffee shops and honestly I have never liked their coffee as much as Starbucks. When we lived in NJ we literally lived 2 blocks from a Starbucks, I could be from my front door to coffee time in five minutes. Now that we live in the middle of Alabama there is ONE Starbucks in our town and it isn't even a proper Starbucks , it is a smaller one in the student union on campus. Every Sunday we walk 30 minutes to get a cup of Starbucks coffee. We are sad consumerists...
Can you find the coffee in the tree? How about my gigantic cat?
Today's prize was what Teddy called the Christmas buddies. I like them very much but forgot to shove them in the tree and take their picture and well....it is too late now. Sunday's prize was a few candies stolen from Eli's Advent Calendar and shoved into mine, I didn't bother with a picture of those.

Saturday I ran a 10K. It was fun but a REALLY hard route and I finished in 1:01:something, this was better than my previous time of 1:04:something, but I was a little bummed to not get under an hour. Ehh maybe next time.

Oh, I picked out my Holiday cards today and it made me very happy to get cards that only say "Happy Holidays" this makes Teddy's parents NUTS which makes me very happy. Last year I sent similar cards out and one of my friends sent me a facebook message saying she liked our very "PC" card. I consider myself Agnostic so I like neutral cards and I typically say we celebrate Santa Holiday, not the birth of Jesus...ANYWAY I like my cards to be neutral so I can send them to my Christian friends as well as my non Christian friends....BUT I wonder now if it would be more in the SPIRIT to send Christmas cards to my friends I know celebrate a Christian Holiday...or maybe I'm just thinking WAY to much about some damn cards...

outfit completed

(can you find the shirt in the tree?)

Now I have a whole outfit to wear tomorrow, awesome! Let's see...how are things here today? I got a text message from a friend of mine at my old job telling me they found out today they are all getting 10% pay cuts. It just seems like it is BAD news all the time, I need a good story about an old man and his kitten friend OR you know what my favorites stories are...the mismatched animal buddies, oh I love those...like that gorilla and that tiny orange cat. Those are my favorite. Teddy brought home a book once about a baby hippopotamus and a giant turtle that become friends, if that doesn't make you happy then you are just dead inside (I found the book here, it is called Owen and Mzee).

I'm trying to think of happy things so I was trying to come up with my favorite Christmas present and the thing I first thought of was this awesome Pioneer stereo my dad bought me and then I chastised myself for thinking only of material things and I decided to think of my favorite Holiday memory and I think it is from the year Teddy and I started dating and that year we played the most awesome game of football in the rain on Thanksgiving and then at Christmas we had this GIANT bucket of beads and we sat around for HOURS making key chains and tacky ornaments. It was awesome.

pants and a fat cat

Today we have some nice fitted running pants. I wore them when I went jogging this morning and I really like them but they started kinda scrinching down after a few minutes and after a while I got tired of yanking them back up so I just left them...

Pants on the table is not so interesting so I shoved them in our tree and took the picture. It is like Where's Waldo but with black running pants, and you can see my 22 lb cat. He is an anomaly and when we took him to the vet for a shot they had to call the shot manufacturers and get approval to give him TWO shots because the one shot was for cats UP TO 15 lbs. Sigh.

Man you guys, there is not good news on the Internets lately. I have been feeling sorry for myself since I am still jobless but perusing the Internet there has been so many lay offs and bad news that it just feels like a grim Holiday Season. I sincerely hope 2010 has better things in store for all of us.

over the shoulder boulder holder

Today's gift was a hot pink sports bra. This goes into the category of stuff I needed/wanted and forced Teddy to buy for me. This year with money woes I told Teddy I didn't want him to buy me a bunch of things I don't want/need which is usually sort of the point of Christmas. This weekend I'm running in a Toys for Tots 10K and it is going to be cold so a couple of the things I asked for were running gear for the cold weather....

I thought the picture of just the bra was too boring so here is a picture of the bra with our stockings (it is hanging on the middle hook).

Second Annual Advent Calenderlooza

If you were around last year you remember that I got this Advent Calender and every day Teddy put a prize in it (or a clue where I can find the prize if it is too big to fit in the calender) and I took pictures of those prizes and posted them on my blog (my old blog I had to ditch due to creepy stalker) and bored all of you with them...well guess what...it is that time of year again (this time with more boring, useful gifts due to the economy)!

Today's prize was a box of Swedish Fish which I vowed to split with Eli after dinner since I am trying to do STRICT Weight Watchers this week due to the fact that my pants are getting a little tight, then I went to Target and bought some candy to put in Eli's Advent Calender and I ate a bunch of Almond M and M's so ehhh.

I've been freaking out about Christmas in general due to my persistent joblessness and today it manifested in a stomach ache so I had to lay on the couch and feel sorry for myself and then I felt guilty for not doing anything...it is fun times around here at Chez Exile lately...honestly in some ways the holidays have been a good distraction, I try to focus on doing holiday-y things with out spending too much money and it keeps my mind busy.

I have been keeping up my jogging schedule and this weekend I'm running another 10K, I'm hoping to beat my last time of 1:04:something and keep it to under an hour. It has definitely been helpful to have a stress reliever and some goals. That's all I got for today, tune in tomorrow and see what kind of practical gift I get!

(just like last year if you have any photo requests let me know)

Thanksgiving recap

It was good. It really was. I think all the fretting I did about it definitely helped, because it turned out to be a great day, even with my dad, his girlfriend, and my mom.

I loved how my table turned out and I think all the decorations cost less than 20$. There was enough food to feed a small country and we even got in a game of football and Pictionary Man.

Tomorrow is December 1 which starts my second annual Advent Calender put together by Teddy. I'll post photo recaps of the prizes again, but last year Teddy was working in the East Village in Manhattan, this year we live in South Alabama. I don't know if will be able to compare.

uninvited

I have been looking forward to this year's Thanksgiving for a year now. We are hosting Thanksgiving at our house and even though both of my parents will be in attendance, I was looking forward to it anyway. I have been planning my menu and my table decorations for at least a month and I couldn't wait for everyone to gather around my table and eat dinner.

I am now cranky and pouting about Thanksgiving because according to a text I got from my sister my dad has invited his girlfriend to attend as well. Honestly, I have nothing against his girlfriend, she seems fine, BUT she is only a couple of years older than my sister and MY MOTHER is going to be at dinner too. It just really bugs me that I didn't invite her and yet he took it upon himself to invite her along. It just is going to be awkward on so many levels...

The thing about my dad that just drives me nuts he always invites his girlfriends along to family celebrations. He insists we include them, and in some ways I get it..but since I have been in college there has been one fiance, one wife, and at least 3 different girlfriends. I just hate looking back over family photos and you can tell what year it is dependent on which woman is in the photo.

It is just really sucking the joy out of my preparations and it is making it hard to be "thankful." On top of that I've been in a crummy mood because...here is a shocker for you....life isn't fair!

It will all work out, and it will all be FINE, but I today I feel bloated, and headachey, and ugly and fat and moody and weepy and I actually watched a Lifetime movie last night and I have cramps...I think I must have a disease...

UGGly

I have been thinking of a post about being grateful and taking pleasure in the little things, but that has been postponed due to a burning question I have. Today Teddy and I walked around our town for hours. It was so pleasant but I kept getting little bursts of irritation due to the fashion trends on campus.


Do girls in your area wear running shorts with UGGs? I think this is about the worst fashion statement since Hammer pants. It is baffling to me, why would you wear snow boots with short shorts? Is this just a Southern thing? What about 80's sunglasses? They were ugly in the 80's, they are not any better now!

Please help me, I have vowed to punch the next UGG/Nike shorts wearing girl in the face...this is not the spirit of the Holidays!

sulking

I've been in a crappy mood the last two days and I have nothing positive to say. The job search is....going. I get my hopes up, and then there is some sort of weird caveat (you have to drive an hour each way, you have to be on call etc). I'm just grumpy, but next week is Thanksgiving and Teddy has the whole week off, so that should be nice.

Because I am helpful, I will give you some fire safety tips straight from Eli (not his real name).

Fire Safety from Penny InExile on Vimeo.

bullets for Friday

I've got nothing new to add today but I read someone else's post today which reminded me of some stuff that I know a lot of you like that I just don't get....

For example:

• Seinfeld. I've mentioned this before. I don't get it. It makes me uncomfortable because they seem to yell at each other a lot. I can't watch it without hiding my face.
• Twilight or Vampires...How did Vampires become so cool all the sudden? I have never actually read Twilight so really I shouldn't judge but I'm not really into Sci-Fi kind of stuff
• Down Vests. Aren't your arms cold?
• Why the Sci-Fi channel felt the need to change their name to SyFy Channel. Lame.

Oh, and I also wanted to give you a Mom to English dictionary in case you ever meet my Mom.

• Pandera=Panera
• Liberry=Library
• Furry=Ferry
• Burry=Berry
• Jeepy=her car which is a Jeep but she says "Jeepy" like you should know already
• Rangy Tang=her cat Meringue...the name Rangy Tang makes my skin crawl

Here are some things she keeps in her house I don't get

• Zip lock bags full of seashells on every flat surface (she likes the idea of seashells as knick-knack sort of things but she doesn't want them to get dusty)
• a shrine to her dead dog which includes raw hide bones...which reminds me of pouring out some of your drink for your dead hommies.
• a coyote skull
• giant plastic bugs used as home decor
• old nuts and Cinnamon sticks that she runs through the dishwasher
• fake flowers pushed into pots

Please feel free to tell me about some stuff that you don't get. Here are some examples of things I like that might help you:

• The Office
• The Real Housewives of Wherever
• pigtails
• making fun of my mom online
• eating till I feel sick
• smoking (not recently)

AND..........go!

fat pants

I recently went through my closet to get rid of all of my clothes that don't fit anymore. I took all these pants off the hangers to give away, and then after thinking about it I folded them all up and put them back in my closet. The pants are all too big. They are mostly size 10s and 8s and currently I'm in a size 6. I started in a size 16.

When we were moving I got rid of all my size 16s, 14s, and 12s. I think I would have tried to hang on to them if we weren't moving. I'm still not convinced that I'm not going to get fat again. When I was going to get a bag to put all the pants in I started thinking how crappy it would be to get fat again AND have to buy new clothes...that is when I put the pants back in the closet.

My weight loss journey is sort of on hold right now. I'm still journaling all my food, and running but I think I'm going to wait until the New Year and then try and lose the last 10 pounds. I am going to try and hold at my current weight until then.

This last weekend was my first race. I did a 10K with my sister and her husband and it was awesome. I finished in 1:04 and I was 19th out of 43 for my age/gender. I was stupidly excited to be number 19! It was such a rush to finish and to beat people who were younger and skinnier than me. I loved it, and this morning I spent time looking for the next race. I think I'm going to do a 12K in December called the 12 Ks of Christmas!

Anyway, I got off my point...the pants...what should I do with them?

don't judge me

I went to the grocery store yesterday specifically to get these three things: wine, magazines, and dark chocolate. It has been a stressful few weeks.

I bought these magazines because I am looking for a perfect Thanksgiving side item. Does anyone have any recipes they want to share that are always crowd pleasers?

rough morning

This morning we took Eli to the doctor for a regular checkup. He checked out just great and then he got the injustice of the H1N1 vaccine up his nose and a jab in the thigh for his regular flu shot. He seemed pretty shocked and he did the open mouth with no sound crying for a couple of seconds before he really starting balling.

We took him to school where he immediately walked in the door and then hit his head on the console thing, giving himself a huge knot. He cried about that for awhile while we applied ice and waited to see if he was OK. We took him to his classroom where he completely lost his shit because he wanted to go outside and not in his classroom. It took a few minutes to calm him down and when we finally explained it wasn't outside time we got him to go back to his classroom where he knocked his head into the doorknob and started crying again....

Man three is hard. I mean really.really.HARD. I don't know how stay at home moms do it because after this morning I was ready to toss him in the classroom and run away screaming. Everything with him is fight...he doesn't want to go to the bathroom, put his clothes on, brush his teeth, take a bath, or eat his dinner. He wants to know WHY about everything, and I can't count the number of times I've said "because I said so!"

I'm home alone now, and I have time to do laundry and clean but instead I'm sitting here worried that he doesn't have a reaction to his flu shot and I'm wondering if I should go get him...has anyone else's kids had any problems with the H1N1 mist?

NaBloPoMo No.

I had really wanted to participate in NaBloPoMo this month, but honestly I feel like I just can't deal with stress of writing every.day. right now. It is sad, I know. In other not interesting news we got our first neighborly party invite in which I was 1. charmed and then 2. creeped out.

The invite was in our mailbox delivered with a bag of candy with one of those Tootsie roll ghost pop things, that I always love so I was immediately happy because you know, candy! (I want you to know I just went and dug through my trash to fish out the invite because I inadvertently threw it out this morning. It is now covered with cantaloupe juice). I read the invite and realized it was more of a courtesy invite since it was in our next door neighbor's back yard and they really just wanted us to know they were having a party so we could call if their music was too loud, which really was very thoughtful.

I continued to read and it said "there will be no alcohol served at the party. just good 'ol fashioned halloween fun." Ummm OK, I know it is probably lame to admit this, but I don't think a party is much of a party without a beer or a glass of wine or something AND what exactly is "good 'ol fashioned halloween fun?" ....BUT THEN it was signed "In the Matchless Name of Christ" hmmm what?

We did not attend. I will send a thank you for the candy note, and I asked Teddy if I could use "In the Matchless Name of Christ" as an expletive from now on...like Eli go to sleep IN THE MATCHLESS NAME OF CHRIST!

Winners!

I haven't been writing much lately because I've been so stressed I think my posts would just end up sounding like this BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh. That is the sound of me having no words for the stress.

I am still job hunting, and the pickins are slim and my pets have chosen these last couple of weeks to have several hundreds of dollars worth of crisis, from flea infestations, to rashes, to UTIs to my dog having heart worms, to not having heart worms to maybe having heart worms again....It has been stressful to say the least.

BUT, but last night was the Halloween party in our town and my whole family dressed up and we won the costume contest for best group costume. If I haven't told you already I am a VERY competitive person and winning a costume contest that was made for CHILDREN made my day. I could have slam dunked a baby and went around to preschoolers yelling "in your face" I was so happy.

It was awesome that we had six adults in costume for one kid. We had Mr. and Mrs. Salt and Pepper, their baby Paprika, Mailbox, Steve, Magenta, and of course Blue! It was great and I highly recommend a good costume smack down to lift your spirits!

She's HEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRREEEE

If you read my sister's blog you know my mom moved to the town that we live last Friday. If you have read my blog for any amount of time you know my mom is a complete wack a doodle. I really believe my mom has a personality disorder, which means she is really, really irritating.

Having worked in the mental health profession for the last 9 years or so I can tell you that any therapist, or counselor or whoever, hates working with personality disorders because they are typically difficult people to deal with and unlike someone who has say, has an anxiety disorder, they don't think there is anything wrong with them.

My mom really believes that the most mundane details of her life should be extremely interesting to you and she will take 30 minutes to tell you a detailed story about how, for example she went to Wal-Mart to buy an ironing board, AND she will tell the story over and over and over and over and over. I'm not sure if all the drinking she did affected her memory so maybe she forgot she told you the story the first elebenty billion times BUT even if you tell her you already heard the story she will continue to tell it to you, without leaving out any of the details.

I am really trying to give her a break because I know at this point she is trying to do the right thing, but damn the women makes me crazy. Teddy and I took her to the grocery store last weekend and I am STILL annoyed at what she bought. I know that a normal person could care less about what some other person chooses to buy at the grocery store but I have spent almost a week being annoyed. She had absolutely no food in her house and she bought a pack of generic white bread and a package of generic bologna. I know you are thinking "SO WHAT?", well I know, and you are right but it makes me crazy.

She will actually buy food to EAT from the dollar store. She refuses to eat anything that is even remotely healthy and she won't even try it (and it isn't like she does it because she is poor, she just bought a 32 inch LCD TV). I'm not really sure why this is the thing that I am focusing on right now, maybe because it is easier than focusing on the fact that she was a crap mother for the last 15 or so years. I think I also partially blame her for the fact that I was fat most of my life. I know she didn't put food in my face and make me eat it, but she bought the food and it was typically crap. Once I told my husband and his brother a story that I thought was sort of funny about how when I was in high school there was about a week period where the only things edible to eat in the house were a box of fat free saltines and a crate of oranges my dad bought from some boy scouts or something. They were more horrified than amused and I realized that wasn't really a normal thing to feed your kids.

Anyway, she is here now and I have to go to her house and help her move her furniture. I am just hoping I don't end up having a seizure from all the ugly ass shit she has in her house and that she thinks is nice, for example a glittery red lobster with Christmas lights on it and a Jeep shaped cake pan she hung on the wall. Wish me luck.

Three

The third year from Penny InExile on Vimeo.

My baby is three, granted he turned three in August, but it is just now hitting me. He is thisclose to being totally potty trained, he is smart, and funny, and manipulative, and wild. He has a sense of humor but HATES my knock knock jokes. He is stubborn and willful and very strongly dislikes tomato sauce. He is getting some bath toys after school today for not pooping in his pants all week (please don't let me jinx it, I'll be sadder than him if he doesn't get his prize) he says he is going to play baseball with the bigger boys when he gets older. He wants a bicycle for Christmas and he doesn't want us to hold him or carry him because he is too big. I'm thrilled he is turning into such a fun, wild little person, but I'm also a little heartbroken he isn't my baby.

The song is from Caspar Babypants (obvs it is originally a Beatles song).

bright spot

Our birthdays were on Saturday and we had a really good day. We got to hang out with family all day, we had three (3!) cakes, and we got some great gifts (a trip to the beach and a lawnmower!). My brother-in -law's friend made this cake and it was super cute and it tasted really good too (red velvet). All in all, probably the best birthday we've had in several years.

that's what she said

My favorite job listing today was this one:

Meat Cutter Last Updated: 10/14/2009 City: XXXXX, AL Basic Job Information: $9.40 - $10.00, Full-time Required Education: High School Diploma or Equivalent Required Experience: 0 Years 6 Months
Applicant will need minimum of 3-6 months experience. Need to know a variety of cuts of meat. This job deals mainly with Beef products

I'm not even qualified....at least for my other choice they would train me.


I have been in a horrible mood since Sunday. I had a crap day on Monday that involved my dad standing me up for breakfast, my Internet and phone being out most of the day, and Teddy getting a speeding ticket (which if you knew Teddy you would know this is a pretty big deal, I think it was his first). It has rained probably 60% of the time I have lived here, and my mood is really affected by the weather.

BAH, I have nothing positive to add and I am super grumpy. Anyone have a bill collector or an insurance agent they want me to call for them?

Invisible

Yesterday was not a good day for me. I was feeling very down and the word that kept coming to my mind was "invisible." I feel like I'm not important, like I'm not contributing to my family or to my community and it is making me feel worthless and depressed.

I know these feelings seem really extreme, but I can't help but feeling this way. I find it hard to have a conversation because I don't believe I have anything of value to add. I find myself being easily irritated and quick to get angry at Eli. It is really not my best showing.

It seems odd to even me that all these feelings are just because I don't have a job, but obviously they are always there, somewhere it is just that working keeps me occupied and I don't have to think of these things.

Honestly, it is also about the money. I wanted to buy my husband his own computer to use while he is getting his PhD, but I can't afford it right now. Eli has been asking us to take him to the beach and I want too, I really want too, but I just can't take a vacation without a job. Teddy wants a bicycle to ride to school, and again, I just can't afford it.

I have applied for jobs I'm qualified for, jobs I'm over qualified for, and jobs I'm probably under qualified for and...nothing. My self esteem is taking a hit and I don't feel like I'm having much fun lately. It will pass. I know it will, but I keep wondering if Christmas is going to roll and around and be pretty bleak because I still haven't found a job.

I just need to have some hope, and when I go jogging I try repeat that word to myself...hope... as some sort of mantra and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Yesterday it didn't.

But...BUT, yesterday wasn't ALL bad, when I was making Eli's super nutritions dinner of frozen fish sticks, I saw this:

That is my lost wedding band at the bottom of the fish sticks box.

unrelated

I forgot to tell you guys about how Teddy TOTALLY stole my thunder at MY reunion. We got to the reunion and there was two girls I went to high school with (Teddy did not go to high school anywhere near where I did) greeting everyone and handing out name tags at the door. They greeted me and I turned to introduce them to Teddy and they were like "OH MY GOD WE KNOW, IT IS [BAND NAME] AND [OTHER BAND NAME]" Then they proceeded to GUSH and hug him and talk about how he was FAMOUS. UGH. I love my husband more than anyone in the world but DUDE. DUDE. I was there looking HOT and he totally stole my stoplight. (oh and for the record he was only famous in the college town we lived, but there he was totally awesome. Free beer all the time...when you are 22 and broke that was the best)

The college town we live in has a shuttle bus that goes around and picks students up for class. The other day Teddy and I were out for a walk and we were walking past the bus stop and it totally stopped for US. I was very excited and felt young and pretty.

This just creeps me out.

That is a bird, in case you couldn't tell and he is eating EGGS for breakfast. That just seems wrong to me.

holding

My goal from now until January is to just NOT gain weight. These next couple of months are really hard for me food wise because I love the holidays (I'm totally counting Halloween as "the holidays" too) and I love all the food that comes with it. I love candy and pumpkin anything (minus those pumpkin shaped candy corn things-yuck!).

I have already made these pumpkin muffins, and these pumpkin brownies (I'm not sure why they are called brownies, it was more like cake to me) (I also made the brownies without the frosting and it was still really good). Teddy has a party we have to go to on Friday and I'm making the pumpkin brownies again, WITH the frosting and I'm definitely having some.

My dad is coming to visit this weekend and I'm sure we will go out to eat a couple of times, I will still make BETTER choices but eating out is always difficult. It is my birthday over the weekend and I want CAKE, real cake...not whole wheat healthy cake, but cake with fat and sugar and YUM.

I will keep up my running schedule and my Weight Watchers journaling even if I go over my allotted points. I have a race I want to actually do well in a month from now and I think after that I will have to decide on another "health" goal to keep myself going. I'm hoping that portion control, exercise, and journaling will keep me from putting on any pounds in the next couple of months.

How do you keep from gaining weight over the holidays?

Reunified

(this really isn't a great picture but atleast you can see the dress on, but you can't see my shoes, which were really the best part)

We went to my reunion over the weekend, and it was fun, but not FUN. A very good friend of mine from high school flew out from the mid west to attend and I was really excited to get to see her. When we got to the reunion she was already a little tipsy and an hour later she had to be carried out. I was embarrassed for her, and it was sad because it didn't seem like this was the first time that sort of thing had happened. It kinda put a damper on the whole evening.

It was really weird when we got up the next morning to just go get breakfast and not not have to try and entertain a 3 year old while eating. It was also very weird to lay in bed till 8:30 and have no real pressing reason to get up.

I really loved my dress and we have to go to a party at one of Teddy's professors this Friday so I think I'll wear it to that as well. This Saturday is also OUR birthdays (Teddy and I have the same birthday, but we are 10 years apart). We don't have any plans, except my plan of convincing someone to buy me a cake from Cold Stone and then eating it.

firsts

• I signed up for my first race. I am very excited. It is a 10K on November 7th. I was never really interested in running a race, but now since I don't have a job it is nice to have a goal.
• I am leaving Eli for the night for the first.time.ever. to go to my high school reunion this weekend. I have gone into his room every night for the last three years and checked on him, and made sure his covers were pulled up, and it will be weird to spend the night without him. It will be pretty nice for the first time in three years to NOT get up at 7 AM if I don't feel like it. It isn't that I don't think he'll be JUST FINE, better than fine actually, it is more that *I* won't be the one there doing the stuff, making his dinner, getting him ready for bed etc. He'll be with his aunt and uncle and they will have fun together and I doubt he'll even really miss us, but I'll miss him. (must remember to put out his insurance card and list of pre approved organic, sugar free snacks)
• I need to get measured for a bra. I never have been properly measured but after some trials and tribulations I settled into a 36 C for a very long time. Now, after having lost almost 60 lbs (whooo hooo) my boobs have gotten smaller and I'm guessing my...uhh...circumference(?) is smaller too. I have tried to get smaller sizes but I keep getting it wrong, but I'm still too embarrassed to get sized. I keep imagining some tiny teenage girl measuring me at Victoria's Secret and then texting to her BFF what a loser I am after I leave....any suggestions?

too much?

I graduated from high school 15 years ago (yikes!), this weekend is our first reunion. When I graduated I was a sad, chubby girl (size 10) whose boyfriend of 2 years just inexplicably broke up with her. I had no plans to go to college and I was really confused about what I was going to do.

Now I'm a sad 32 year-old with an amazing husband and the world's cutest kid. I have no job so I'm embarrassed about that, but I plan on dazzling them with my new body and my super cute shoes, but I'm afraid they may be a bit too stripper, but maybe I don't care.


I took the shoes outside to take their picture because I wanted you to see that they are a deep purple color, not black.
This dress definitely looks much cuter than this on, it reminds me a little of MadMen so I think it is sexy.

This was almost my favorite part of the dress. I originally tried on a size 8, but it was too big. HOLY SHIT. I came out of the dressing room and loudly said "this is too big, Teddy will you please go get me a size 6." I was so excited. The dressing room attendant and her boyfriend seemed unimpressed.

I really wanted to get a dress from Anthropologie, but I just felt too guilty about the money, so I ended up getting this dress from Target and the shoes from Kohls. I am happy with them, and I think they are going to look pretty good, although the shoes may be a bit too much...

SPOILER ALERT: I didn't die

Oh my GAWD Y'all, I thought I was going to die Saturday night. I can just now talk about it without feeling all queasy and anxious. I'm about to go into TMI so if you don't like body fluids go ahead and check out now. I would suggest some pictures of kittens.

Anyway, my stomach had been a little off for a couple of days and really I didn't think much of it, sometimes that happens to me before I get my period. I honestly hadn't been making the best food choices and I was over indulging so I figured that had something to do with it also. Saturday we had a great day and hung out with my sister and Mr. P and then went to my holy land (Target) and then got to see and hang out with some old friends. It really was a great day and Teddy volunteered to go get us some greasy southern food that he loves, and I was in such a good mood I agreed.

I ate some grilled chicken...but then I had fried green tomatoes, fried okra, a piece of cornbread and Eli's left over macaroni and cheese. It was so delicious. Oh man, and then around 10:30 that night the dying started. I had stomach cramps so bad they honestly felt worse then when I was in labor. They would start, hit an awful peak and then start to subside, I could feel the pain from my head to my toes...I was starting to Lamaze breath and when I could get off the toilet I walked the halls just like I did when I was in labor. It went on ALL.NIGHT. Never in my life have I had something like that, I can not type big enough how PAINFUL it was. It finally subsided around 7:30 Sunday morning, but now I'm afraid to eat and have been sticking to pretty bland stuff for the last few days.

I have now consulted with Dr. Google and diagnosed myself with IBS. I think I need to start a foundation or maybe have a fund raiser for myself. It is almost as good as having Restless Leg Syndrome. The really crappy thing is I get so anxious about any sort of stomach issue I automatically make it 10 times worse by freaking out. Sometimes it is super fun to be me.