I started a new contract job today. I haven't mentioned it because I originally interviewed in OCTOBER. I went to a follow up interview in November, and finally was called back in December to come to ANOTHER follow up interview last week. I really was never sure anything was actually going to come of it. I feel really guilty because I know I should be grateful to be working, but instead I'm pouting. I'm pouting because the pay is about 15K less than my old job. I'm pouting because I am working with HIV patients again, and I was hoping to move on to something else. I'm pouting because they agreed to one number and then EMAILED me yesterday and said it would be 3 dollars an hour less than that. I'm pouting because it is a contract job so I get no benefits. I'm pouting because I have a Masters Degree and I'm working a temp job.
I KNOW that this is good. I understand having more money is better than having less. I guess I just thought that with my experience something really good would come along, but times are tough and we all have to do what we have to do. I am grateful to have an income and to be able to pay my bills and make my student loan payments. I am grateful to have some pressure taken off me and now I can keep looking for a really great job. I'm grateful to have more money coming in before Santa Holiday and now I don't have to worry about buying gifts for my kid. I am grateful to be out of the house and feeling productive even though I believe I could do so much more. I am grateful to be able to afford to pay for the school my kid loves.
I am grateful. Really. I'm just sort of sad too.
5 comments:
i think your mixed feelings are completely understandable.
in the meantime (and whenever you're ready of course) i would love to hear more about what your job entails.
Glad that you finally have a job - and you know what they say...once someone wants you, lots of companies want you - so hey, this might just be a stepping stone! Meantime, yay for cash at Christmastime!!!
You know what? You don't have to feel overwhelmingly grateful when you feel like you have to settle. I mean, you're entitled to feel disappointed. At least, I certainly allow myself to feel disappointed at settling for certain things that are equally out of my control and yeah, I have tons of other things to be grateful for, but just feel what you need to feel. However, I will say that I'm glad this job takes some stress off of you, and that's really awesome. I'm sure something perfect will end up coming along!
oh i do so know what you're feeling. i'm still looking, and applying for jobs and i get discouraged when jobs i know i'm perfect for don't even bother to call back. i know at some point i will have to start looking for jobs i'm WAY over qualified for. i feel for you. just let it out. of course you're glad to have SOMETHING, but it doesn't mean you have to like it. and i too have heard it's easier to find a job when you have one, which logically makes no sense to me.
It's something, not perfect, not ideal, but something. It'll keep you off the streets and out of trouble. We've all had those jobs before. Keep looking, keep networking (you'd be surprised who might have a lead), and enjoy having some ca-ching (even if it is just a little ca-ching.)
It's normal to feel sad for when things don't meet your dream or expectations. I don't think anyone knows what to expect anymore with the economy being what it is. It's such a question mark, right?
Responding to what you posted on WW, my kids don't really like to sit on Santa's lap in the mall. They do better when it is another event and look! Santa just happens to be there. That was one of those events. We have a breakfast with Santa scheduled too because between the pancakes and indoor playplace, I think they'll sit on his lap again. It's hard when you have shy kids! Stranger danger!
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