Jolly contract

I started a new contract job today. I haven't mentioned it because I originally interviewed in OCTOBER. I went to a follow up interview in November, and finally was called back in December to come to ANOTHER follow up interview last week. I really was never sure anything was actually going to come of it.

I feel really guilty because I know I should be grateful to be working, but instead I'm pouting. I'm pouting because the pay is about 15K less than my old job. I'm pouting because I am working with HIV patients again, and I was hoping to move on to something else. I'm pouting because they agreed to one number and then EMAILED me yesterday and said it would be 3 dollars an hour less than that. I'm pouting because it is a contract job so I get no benefits. I'm pouting because I have a Masters Degree and I'm working a temp job.

I KNOW that this is good. I understand having more money is better than having less. I guess I just thought that with my experience something really good would come along, but times are tough and we all have to do what we have to do. I am grateful to have an income and to be able to pay my bills and make my student loan payments. I am grateful to have some pressure taken off me and now I can keep looking for a really great job. I'm grateful to have more money coming in before Santa Holiday and now I don't have to worry about buying gifts for my kid. I am grateful to be out of the house and feeling productive even though I believe I could do so much more. I am grateful to be able to afford to pay for the school my kid loves.

I am grateful. Really. I'm just sort of sad too.

outfit completed

(can you find the shirt in the tree?)

Now I have a whole outfit to wear tomorrow, awesome! Let's see...how are things here today? I got a text message from a friend of mine at my old job telling me they found out today they are all getting 10% pay cuts. It just seems like it is BAD news all the time, I need a good story about an old man and his kitten friend OR you know what my favorites stories are...the mismatched animal buddies, oh I love those...like that gorilla and that tiny orange cat. Those are my favorite. Teddy brought home a book once about a baby hippopotamus and a giant turtle that become friends, if that doesn't make you happy then you are just dead inside (I found the book here, it is called Owen and Mzee).

I'm trying to think of happy things so I was trying to come up with my favorite Christmas present and the thing I first thought of was this awesome Pioneer stereo my dad bought me and then I chastised myself for thinking only of material things and I decided to think of my favorite Holiday memory and I think it is from the year Teddy and I started dating and that year we played the most awesome game of football in the rain on Thanksgiving and then at Christmas we had this GIANT bucket of beads and we sat around for HOURS making key chains and tacky ornaments. It was awesome.

pants and a fat cat

Today we have some nice fitted running pants. I wore them when I went jogging this morning and I really like them but they started kinda scrinching down after a few minutes and after a while I got tired of yanking them back up so I just left them...

Pants on the table is not so interesting so I shoved them in our tree and took the picture. It is like Where's Waldo but with black running pants, and you can see my 22 lb cat. He is an anomaly and when we took him to the vet for a shot they had to call the shot manufacturers and get approval to give him TWO shots because the one shot was for cats UP TO 15 lbs. Sigh.

Man you guys, there is not good news on the Internets lately. I have been feeling sorry for myself since I am still jobless but perusing the Internet there has been so many lay offs and bad news that it just feels like a grim Holiday Season. I sincerely hope 2010 has better things in store for all of us.

over the shoulder boulder holder

Today's gift was a hot pink sports bra. This goes into the category of stuff I needed/wanted and forced Teddy to buy for me. This year with money woes I told Teddy I didn't want him to buy me a bunch of things I don't want/need which is usually sort of the point of Christmas. This weekend I'm running in a Toys for Tots 10K and it is going to be cold so a couple of the things I asked for were running gear for the cold weather....

I thought the picture of just the bra was too boring so here is a picture of the bra with our stockings (it is hanging on the middle hook).

Second Annual Advent Calenderlooza

If you were around last year you remember that I got this Advent Calender and every day Teddy put a prize in it (or a clue where I can find the prize if it is too big to fit in the calender) and I took pictures of those prizes and posted them on my blog (my old blog I had to ditch due to creepy stalker) and bored all of you with them...well guess what...it is that time of year again (this time with more boring, useful gifts due to the economy)!

Today's prize was a box of Swedish Fish which I vowed to split with Eli after dinner since I am trying to do STRICT Weight Watchers this week due to the fact that my pants are getting a little tight, then I went to Target and bought some candy to put in Eli's Advent Calender and I ate a bunch of Almond M and M's so ehhh.

I've been freaking out about Christmas in general due to my persistent joblessness and today it manifested in a stomach ache so I had to lay on the couch and feel sorry for myself and then I felt guilty for not doing anything...it is fun times around here at Chez Exile lately...honestly in some ways the holidays have been a good distraction, I try to focus on doing holiday-y things with out spending too much money and it keeps my mind busy.

I have been keeping up my jogging schedule and this weekend I'm running another 10K, I'm hoping to beat my last time of 1:04:something and keep it to under an hour. It has definitely been helpful to have a stress reliever and some goals. That's all I got for today, tune in tomorrow and see what kind of practical gift I get!

(just like last year if you have any photo requests let me know)

sulking

I've been in a crappy mood the last two days and I have nothing positive to say. The job search is....going. I get my hopes up, and then there is some sort of weird caveat (you have to drive an hour each way, you have to be on call etc). I'm just grumpy, but next week is Thanksgiving and Teddy has the whole week off, so that should be nice.

Because I am helpful, I will give you some fire safety tips straight from Eli (not his real name).

Fire Safety from Penny InExile on Vimeo.

don't judge me

I went to the grocery store yesterday specifically to get these three things: wine, magazines, and dark chocolate. It has been a stressful few weeks.

I bought these magazines because I am looking for a perfect Thanksgiving side item. Does anyone have any recipes they want to share that are always crowd pleasers?

NaBloPoMo No.

I had really wanted to participate in NaBloPoMo this month, but honestly I feel like I just can't deal with stress of writing every.day. right now. It is sad, I know. In other not interesting news we got our first neighborly party invite in which I was 1. charmed and then 2. creeped out.

The invite was in our mailbox delivered with a bag of candy with one of those Tootsie roll ghost pop things, that I always love so I was immediately happy because you know, candy! (I want you to know I just went and dug through my trash to fish out the invite because I inadvertently threw it out this morning. It is now covered with cantaloupe juice). I read the invite and realized it was more of a courtesy invite since it was in our next door neighbor's back yard and they really just wanted us to know they were having a party so we could call if their music was too loud, which really was very thoughtful.

I continued to read and it said "there will be no alcohol served at the party. just good 'ol fashioned halloween fun." Ummm OK, I know it is probably lame to admit this, but I don't think a party is much of a party without a beer or a glass of wine or something AND what exactly is "good 'ol fashioned halloween fun?" ....BUT THEN it was signed "In the Matchless Name of Christ" hmmm what?

We did not attend. I will send a thank you for the candy note, and I asked Teddy if I could use "In the Matchless Name of Christ" as an expletive from now on...like Eli go to sleep IN THE MATCHLESS NAME OF CHRIST!

Winners!

I haven't been writing much lately because I've been so stressed I think my posts would just end up sounding like this BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh. That is the sound of me having no words for the stress.

I am still job hunting, and the pickins are slim and my pets have chosen these last couple of weeks to have several hundreds of dollars worth of crisis, from flea infestations, to rashes, to UTIs to my dog having heart worms, to not having heart worms to maybe having heart worms again....It has been stressful to say the least.

BUT, but last night was the Halloween party in our town and my whole family dressed up and we won the costume contest for best group costume. If I haven't told you already I am a VERY competitive person and winning a costume contest that was made for CHILDREN made my day. I could have slam dunked a baby and went around to preschoolers yelling "in your face" I was so happy.

It was awesome that we had six adults in costume for one kid. We had Mr. and Mrs. Salt and Pepper, their baby Paprika, Mailbox, Steve, Magenta, and of course Blue! It was great and I highly recommend a good costume smack down to lift your spirits!

that's what she said

My favorite job listing today was this one:

Meat Cutter Last Updated: 10/14/2009 City: XXXXX, AL Basic Job Information: $9.40 - $10.00, Full-time Required Education: High School Diploma or Equivalent Required Experience: 0 Years 6 Months
Applicant will need minimum of 3-6 months experience. Need to know a variety of cuts of meat. This job deals mainly with Beef products

I'm not even qualified....at least for my other choice they would train me.


I have been in a horrible mood since Sunday. I had a crap day on Monday that involved my dad standing me up for breakfast, my Internet and phone being out most of the day, and Teddy getting a speeding ticket (which if you knew Teddy you would know this is a pretty big deal, I think it was his first). It has rained probably 60% of the time I have lived here, and my mood is really affected by the weather.

BAH, I have nothing positive to add and I am super grumpy. Anyone have a bill collector or an insurance agent they want me to call for them?

Invisible

Yesterday was not a good day for me. I was feeling very down and the word that kept coming to my mind was "invisible." I feel like I'm not important, like I'm not contributing to my family or to my community and it is making me feel worthless and depressed.

I know these feelings seem really extreme, but I can't help but feeling this way. I find it hard to have a conversation because I don't believe I have anything of value to add. I find myself being easily irritated and quick to get angry at Eli. It is really not my best showing.

It seems odd to even me that all these feelings are just because I don't have a job, but obviously they are always there, somewhere it is just that working keeps me occupied and I don't have to think of these things.

Honestly, it is also about the money. I wanted to buy my husband his own computer to use while he is getting his PhD, but I can't afford it right now. Eli has been asking us to take him to the beach and I want too, I really want too, but I just can't take a vacation without a job. Teddy wants a bicycle to ride to school, and again, I just can't afford it.

I have applied for jobs I'm qualified for, jobs I'm over qualified for, and jobs I'm probably under qualified for and...nothing. My self esteem is taking a hit and I don't feel like I'm having much fun lately. It will pass. I know it will, but I keep wondering if Christmas is going to roll and around and be pretty bleak because I still haven't found a job.

I just need to have some hope, and when I go jogging I try repeat that word to myself...hope... as some sort of mantra and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Yesterday it didn't.

But...BUT, yesterday wasn't ALL bad, when I was making Eli's super nutritions dinner of frozen fish sticks, I saw this:

That is my lost wedding band at the bottom of the fish sticks box.