I am good at parenting.

A YEAR ago I wrote a post about the trifecta of parenting for our family. They were as follows:

1. getting rid of the pacifiers
2. potty train
3. big boy bed.

Luckily #3 was really not that big of a deal, and we shall never speak of #2 again, but it is done (and actually has been done for a long time now). I am embarrassed to admit we just got to #1 last Friday. Eli will be 4 in two months. Shut up.

Oh it has been hell for all of us. He is not sleeping, we are not sleeping. He is cranky and irritable, we are cranky and irritable. I know I should have dealt with this A LONG ass time ago, but it was a hard thing for ME to do. I was a thumb sucker until I was like 9 (OK FINE 12) (FINE just because my sister reads this 15). It was HARD for me to stop, and pretty much once I stopped sucking my thumb I started smoking...so that really filled that gap.

Please remind me of this (kindly, because I am sensitive) if I ever have another kid with a pacifier addiction!

This is a video as much for me as it is for you. I need to remember that my tiny baby is an adorable kid and not just a huge pain in the ass!

Untitled from Penny InExile on Vimeo.

Do you recognize the song? Extra points if you do!

numbers game

6- Slices of pizza I ate yesterday

60-miles I need to run to work off yesterday's pizza

2- pets I am pet sitting while friends/family go on exotic vacations

26-amount of times I've told myself to be happy for friends/family and not bitter and jealous

4- episodes of LOST on my DVR I will try and watch this weekend

15-pounds I would still like to lose

1 million -times I've said "do you understand me?' to my son

5- times I've laughed when my son has said "do you understand me?" to me

1-planned trip to Target to cheer myself up

2-people in my office with stomach flu

11-my anxiety on a scale of 1-10 about getting the above mentioned stomach flu

2-number of baby showers I'm going to in the next two weeks

0-number of babies I can have due to my current circumstances

1-number of babies I may like to have but can't due to my current circumstances

6.5-number of semesters my husband has to finish for his PhD

1-bag of expensive ass coffee bought for interne's alternative spring break

20-dollars given to co-workers Jerry's Kids charity

budget schmudget

One of the things we knew was a possibility when were discussing Teddy going back to school was that we may have less money. This has turned out to be a reality that I am really not doing well with. I think I convinced myself that the cost of living in Alabama would be SO much cheaper than in NJ it would all sort of even out.

Welllllll this does not seem to be working out for me, even though the cost of living IS cheaper here, I am making MUCH less and Teddy is only working part time. I am bitter and sort of in denial about the whole thing and I'm really going to have to get a grip. I feel like EVERYONE has more money than I (we)do and I'm just angry and jealous about it. We need to cut our eating out budget to only once a week, and I really need to work on my grocery bill. We are spending about 120-175 on groceries a week for a family of three. This seems like a lot to me. I buy mostly organic/natural products and that really drives the bill up. Does anyone have any advice on this? Does that number seem high to you?

I am angry we are going backwards in our life...It seems you should make more money over time, not less. I get that a lot of people are going through this same thing right now, I'm just saying I'm having a hard time with it. I really resent giving up lattes, and crappy doo-dads at Target. I want to be able to buy a 20$ shirt at Old Navy if I like it, but the reality is I just can't. I need to focus on the positive things in life and yet I'm pouting over not being able to go out and get coffee and frozen yogurt if I want to.

I will say that the time with our family has been great, so even knowing what I know now I would still choose to move here but, dammit I wish I could catch a break in this horrible job market and get something that paid a little more than Jesus crap fuck nothing. I'm just a little angry right now.

NYR progress

That's my New Year's Resolution progress to those of you not in the know. I really FEEL committed to my NYRs but that doesn't seem to really be helping me actually DO anything about them. Let's remind ourselves what my resolutions are:

1. Run a half marathon
Um, nope. I still haven't found one I want to sign up for
2. Finish a 10K in less than 60 minutes
Nope. I have a 10K tomorrow but I hear it is a killer so I'm sort of assuming this is not going to be the one.
3. Finish a 5K in less than 30 minutes
I DID THIS ONE. I ran a 5K on 1/23/10 in 29:23, go me!
4. Wear a bikini on the beach (for the first time EVER) on our 10 year anniversary (August 2010), and look good doing it.
OK, I BOUGHT a bikini but that is the only thing I've done so far. I seriously need to start toning if I plan on wearing a bikini without DYING of embarrassment.
5. Take a yoga class
Nope. They are so expensive.
6. Start knitting again, and at least make some more coffee cup cozies.
Once a week I think about getting my knitting out, and it still hasn't happened.
7. Say "yes" more
I'm doing pretty good at this. I say "yes" to Eli much more about reading stories and playing games (I'm a horrible mother because I don't really enjoy these things. I hate to hear myself read out loud and Eli is super annoying to play games with but it has gotten more enjoyable the more I make myself do it)
8. teach Eli to swim
Nope
9. Play in the Gulf of Mexico with Eli and Teddy
hopefully this summer!
10. Have more sex
NOPE, I think if it is possible we are having less sex, which totally sucks but it seems like by the time there is opportunity we are both so exhausted we discuss it and then toss that option out and go to sleep instead.

OK, so now that I'm thinking about it I got 1/10 completed and I still have almost 11 months to do the other 9 so maybe I'll actually do it! How are your resolutions going?

Moving on

I just have to write a new post because every time I click on my blog and see my dog it makes me so sad. I need the page to move down but I really have nothing to say, so let's talk about some stuff I am into right now.

• LOST. I am super happy LOST is coming back on tonight. Oh, I just love Jack so much and I love his super angsty bossy pants attitude. I hope he is shirtless and sweaty for most of the evening.
• TCBY yogurt. I got a gift certificate to TCBY yogurt for Christmas and I can not get enough sugar free frozen yogurt, it makes me so happy.
• Pizza with tofu and broccoli. I know it sounds weird but it is so, so good and I can pretend it is a WHOLE meal on a pizza and HEALTHY because BROCCOLI!
• Diet Dr. Pepper. It is really so delicious and spicy, I must limit myself to one a day.
• Modern Family. Have you guys seen this? It is really funny and it always makes me happy.

Things I don't want to talk about:

• That my gas bill is 500$ for last month! What the holy hell? I didn't pay that much in NJ!
• That I am still looking for another job
• My mom moved back to Virginia to work (only until April) after living here for only three months. Our relationship still sucks.
• I feel fat
• and bloated
• and ugly
• and pimply
• I wonder why?

He is just being 3

I think yesterday was one of my worst parenting days since my son was a tiny infant and I just cried all day. He was just...indescribable yesterday (although "turd" may have come up on facebook). He was wild, and mean, and hyper and just all over the place. He was throwing things at us, hitting us, and SCREAMING. It was just awful, and to top it all off we were stuck inside because of the horrible weather. We all went to bed last night feeling like shit, he probably felt worse after throwing himself into the bed in RAGE after we refused his bedtime story because he had thrown his bath toys at his dad and in doing so smacked his head into his headboard and gave himself a big knot and bruise. It was just the perfect end to the perfect storm of a day.

The other day my mom was over and Eli was doing something bratty and I was complaining to her about his behavior and she said "Oh he is just being 3" and I wanted to rip her arms off and beat her with them. I KNOW HE IS THREE. I know she was trying to be helpful and trying to let me know HE isn't bad, it is just a bad age, but I just can't stand those little cliches when I'm trying to vent. I don't know what I want to hear, but it isn't "he is just being three."

Teddy and I stayed up after Eli went to bed last night and we were talking about how ridiculous it is that a three year old can enrage us (and to make Teddy mad takes A LOT) and how I can lose my patience and yell like a child and how at the end of the night I am exhausted but mostly my feelings are hurt because dammit I revolve my ENTIRE LIFE around making you happy and then you spend the day treating me like shit? HOW DARE YOU? Oh, I know it is because he is just being three....

Why I have no friends.

I have long since concluded that I have no friends since I have a weird sense of humor and no one gets me. I like inappropriate humor and poking fun at people...but I like to poke fun at ALL people, not any specific race, gender, or religion...I discriminate equally.

Anyway, this weekend we were talking to my BIL about how we (the three of us, BIL, Teddy and myself) laugh at weird things and somehow in the conversation we started trying to come up with the ABSOLUTE WORST things you could try to market. My idea was porn for kids, Teddy said Jesus penis replicas and I can't even tell you what BIL said because it is just SO wrong (but we still all laughed). What are your terrible products?

company

So my argument with John was completely anti-climatic! I decided that you guys were right and I needed to take the high road, but I most definitely wanted to know what the deal was. I called John back and after telling him yes we have missed him, and yes they can stay at our house, I confronted him about not being in contact with us. You know what his answer was? DO YOU? When I asked him WHY he hadn't responded to our attempts to contact them in TWO years he said.........WAIT FOR IT.....he said "I don't know. I guess I didn't realize it had been that long."

I tried to argue...I tried to bait him, and I tried to tell him how much he had hurt our feelings, and I thought we were FRIENDS and NOTHING. He would barely even respond to me which made it a terrible argument. Teddy's family are HORRIBLE at confrontation. I'm serious, I'm not sure if you could meet people who were worse at it. They avoid it at all.costs. It makes me nuts, because I like a good healthy confrontation. I honestly don't mind arguing, I could go as far as to say I like it. I'm talking about arguing, where two people who each have a different side intelligently debate, not fighting which I think of as screaming and yelling.

So anyway, they will be here on Friday and what I actually wanted to tell you about is how nuts I am about company, and I'm wondering if it is normal. I remember when I was a kid one of the things I just hated was anytime my parents had a party every thing had to be PERFECT. Every mirror had to be cleaned, every blade of grass had to be manicured, every doo-dad in our house had to be run through the dishwasher and it made everyone crazy. Well guess what, I do the same thing now.

I have to have all the linens washed, the kitchen has to be spotless, the lawn is being mowed as I type, the bathrooms have to be scrubbed and every surface must be dusted. The dog even got a bath in preparation for company. I actually once told a friend of mine my sick secret. While I'm doing all of this cleaning and preparation I imagine my company *thinking* "wow, her house is so clean!" and it makes me feel so awesome. In my imagination they don't even say it out loud they just think it and I still feel so PROUD.

I know it is crazy. How do you deal with company?

bikini or bust

My resolution of wearing a bikini for my 10 year anniversary has really helped me get back onto the health wagon! I would say since October I haven't been really committed to eating well, although I have continued to run. I started this journey in May 2008 when one day at work I got on the scale and I weighted 191 (I'm 5'2"). That was the same weight I was when I was 9 months pregnant with my son.

One of the things that still surprises me is I still feel fat. I know my BMI is now in the "normal" category and I don't think anyone would say a size 6 is fat, but I feel fat. When I go jogging I wonder if people in cars passing me think nasty thoughts about how I should probably run faster, or if they poke fun at me for being a chubby girl running (although at 7AM this morning I wouldn't have blamed them because I was wearing purple running tights, light purple shorts, a bright blue jacket and rainbow leg warmers...it was COLD).

I have never in my life worn a bikini and my new goal is really something I'm looking forward to attaining. I think I need to lose a bit more weight, but I definitely need to start working on toning. I think a lifetime of being overweight and a 9.2 lb baby has lead to a mushy stomach. I'm really feeling happy and motivated to have a new goal, and I started 2010 with a 10 mile run so I think I'm on my way to that bikini. I have told myself that getting into that bikini should be the last of "feeling fat" or always assuming I'm the fat girl in the room (Do you guys do that? Do you look around to see if you are the fattest girl in the room? I know it is not healthy but I was the fattest girl in the room a lot of times. Maybe this is a phenomenon of only overweight people).

I'm looking forward to working on my resolutions throughout the year, and I hope to keep you guys updated on my progress. Next up, digging out my yarn and seeing if I remember how to knit.

They say you want a resolution.

I know a lot of people don't believe in making New Year's resolutions, but it really appeals to me in the sense that I love making lists, and I love resolving to do stuff. I have been thinking about my resolutions for a couple of weeks now and I really wanted to get them out there in the universe and make a sincere effort to do them. I am also trying NOT to make resolutions for too many things, or things that would take too much time away from my family.

Without further ado:

1. Run a half marathon
2. Finish a 10K in less than 60 minutes
3. Finish a 5K in less than 30 minutes
4. Wear a bikini on the beach (for the first time EVER) on our 10 year anniversary (August 2010), and look good doing it.
5. Take a yoga class
6. Start knitting again, and at least make some more coffee cup cozies.
7. Say "yes" more
8. teach Eli to swim
9. Play in the Gulf of Mexico with Eli and Teddy
10. Have more sex


I also want to update a meme I did last year, since I had to change blogs I'll just update this year's answers in red.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Committed to a healthier way of eating. Started this blog.
Started THIS blog because THAT blog got hijacked by creepy stalker.
Ran two 10Ks.
Wore a bathing suit without wanting to die of embarrassment.
Started and maintained a exercise routine (going on 9 months of running 4x a week)


2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I really can't remember if I made any resolutions last year, if I did it was probably to lose weight because I say that pretty much every year. So I will pretend that was my resolution and say that I kept it.

This year my resolution is two fold 1. Lose 20 lbs and keep it off! and 2. Be more thoughtful. I would really like to be more thoughtful in everything I do, including things I purchase, things I eat, things I say and do etc.

I would say I kept half of my resolutions because on 1/5/2009 I weighed 154.2 (I keep a journal of my weight) and today I weigh 131 (up 3 lbs from my lowest 128). I have successfully lost and kept off 23 lbs from then, overall I have lost 60 lbs from my highest weight.

Being more thoughtful is something I would still like to accomplish and I don't think I have made as much of an effort as I would like.

I would also like to be clear about my feelings and my expectations, without being judgemental or hurtful.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Some college friends of mine

I don't think so, but currently one of my best friends and both of my SILs are pregnant.
ETA: My sister reminded me I have 3 SILs, SO I should say two of my three SILs are pregnant.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No
No

5. What countries did you visit?

Um Countries? None, but we did have a couple of nice trips. We went to Alabama and Virginia and took several trips to the NJ Shore.

Yeah, I'm guessing going to a different country isn't going to happen in 2010 either.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Well since we are moving this year (even if we don't move to AL we will move to a new apartment)I will say a bathtub and a dishwasher, also sanity

YAY. We have everything I wanted, except maybe the sanity. I would like a job that I like and that makes me happy.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Eli's birthday. I am always amazed I made it another year. When Eli was first born I didn't think I would survive to see him turn six months old, so on his birthday I am always grateful to have made it another year.

The month of August will be a big memory for me because that was the month Eli turned 3, Teddy and I had our 9 year anniversary, and we moved from Hoboken, NJ back to AL. It was a very stressful, but happy time.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Losing 30 lbs.

I would say losing another 20 lbs and keeping it off, also moving two adults one child, one dog, and two cats across the country and never completely losing my shit. (not to say I didn't lose my shit, just not COMPLETELY)

Running in two 10Ks.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I can't think of one thing in particular. The thing I most commonly think I am failing at is parenting.

The things I most often think about as failures are the times I lose my patience with Eli. When I yell, when I grab for his skinny little arms to stop him for doing something, those are the times I think about and regret.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No
No

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Right now the only thing I can think of is the Scholastic DVD collection we bought Steamboat because it has kept us sane over this two week break!

The best investment of the year was a personal DVD player I bought Eli for his birthday. It has been a life saver on plane trips, and many a dinner out we would like to enjoy without entertaining a 3 year old!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine. So far I have survived in a crappy job and remained calm and professional (most of the time).

Teddy. He is the only reason I'm able to stay sane. Through out this last year with the move and the job hunt I have been a vibrating ball of anxiety and he is the only reason I haven't gone over the deep end (oh and Xanax, I love you too)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I had one of the people I supervise quit without notice and then badmouthed me for no reason, it sucked.

Unfortunately lots of people. I was commenting on someone's blog recently that I try to be a thoughtful person, and in doing so sometimes I have too high expectations for other people and can easily be disappointed. I need to quit assuming that everyone thinks about things as much as I do, and I need to worry less about others feelings.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Rent and daycare, hands down.

Again, rent and daycare but we also spent tons of money on our recent move.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

This years election.

I was really excited about our move and our new (rental) house.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

I Never Go to Work- TMBG. Eli's favorite song and we had to listen to it all.the.time.

That is hard to say, I'm not a "song" person. I like the same songs I liked 10 years ago, if it isn't on the Journey greatest hits CD I probably haven't heard it.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? Happier
Happier


b) thinner or fatter? Thinner
Thinner

c) richer or poorer? Richer and poorer, we make more money but our rent and daycare increased.
POORER

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

I wish I spent more time enjoying my family, and less time worried they would die, get sick, fall off the earth etc.

I wish I had spent more time being content.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worry. I worry all the time, I wish I could knock it off.

Same. Same. Worry. I am a constant worrier. I worry about things that probably won't ever happen, it tends to really be a damper on my life.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

We spent Christmas at home this year, it was great until the part when my mom showed up.

We had a great big family Christmas just like I wanted. My mom, sister, and her family showed up at 7AM on Christmas morning and we opened presents for hours, played games, and ATE. It was perfect.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

I am constantly falling in love with Teddy and Eli (barf, I know)

I love my husband and my kid more every day.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

It is too hard to list just one so: LOST, Friday Night Lights, The Office, Scrubs

Those are still my favorite shows.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

I don't think so, I think I hate all the same people

I like last years answer.

24. What was the best book you read?

I can't remember all the books I read this year but this week I read Marley and Me and The Hour I First Believed. I really enjoyed both of them.

I read a lot so it is always hard for me to remember but I think the books I most enjoyed this year were The Time Travelers Wife and The Lovely Bones.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I have started listening to way more kids band then I ever thought I would and have found some awesome music! I love the Jellydots, The Terrible Twos, Francis England, Elizabeth Mitchell, and of course Mr. Leebot!

This year has been the year of Caspar Babypants. Eh, must remember to listen to adult music at some point.

26. What did you want and get?

My Advent calender was the most awesome gift of all time!

I also advocated for myself to get a raise, which I got (although technically I haven't seen it in my paycheck yet...)

The second annual Advent Calenderlooza was awesome!
I wanted Teddy to get into PhD school, and he did.

27. What did you want and not get?

I wanted a big family Christmas and instead got my mom
I wanted a job that made me happy (or at least didn't make me UNhappy)

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

I don't think I saw a movie that was released in 2008 so it is hard to say. I watched some Christmas movies on Lifetime and Hallmark channel that were pretty funny even thought I'm not sure they were supposed to be.

I don't really like movies, and last night I was having a conversation with my niece and nephew about movies and the last movie I remember REALLY liking was Little Miss Sunshine, when was that?

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Teddy and I took the day off work and spent it roaming around NYC, I went to Old Navy and got some Cold Stone ice cream. I turned 32 and Teddy turned 42.

My dad came and took us out to dinner and I ate a lot of cake, he also bought us a lawnmower. That was pretty cool. I turned 33 and Teddy turned 43.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

If my job didn't suck donkey balls.
Finding a job that didn't suck donkey balls.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

I lost some weight so all my clothes are too big.

I bought a bunch of size 6 clothes and DAMMIT I'm going to wear them and not get too fat for them!

32. What kept you sane?

My husband. Definitely. And wine.

Teddy. Wine. Xanax. In that order.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Mmm I already did a whole post on who I fancy.

I fancy Justin Timberlake. I want to fancy him in dirty ways.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

I was very concerned about women's issues during this years presidential campaign. Sarah Palin terrified me.

I worry about health care, especially since I work in health care and I see so many uninsured patients.

35. Who did you miss?

I missed my sister and my brother in law and my niece and nephew. I also missed my friends who used to live here and moved (because they suck).

I think 2010 is the year of not having to miss people because they are all right.here. and that is pretty awesome.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

I started hanging out with some new people from work. They are awesome, I love gay men!

Ashley and Lee. They are great people.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

People respect you more if you are not fat.

Ditto, AND I respect myself more when I'm exercising and eating well.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"I like big butts and I can not lie"

"I'm on a boat motherfuckers"

I can't ever take quoting song lyrics seriously.

Bad Carma

I have bad Carma. That is bad luck with cars. I swear a huge part of the reason we moved to NJ was because I thought it would be so charming and fun to not have a car, and it was in a lot of ways. When we decided to move back I was excited about the prospect of buying my first new car, and getting to pick out WHATEVER I wanted. I did research and I picked a pretty color and I got a loan and put a down payment down and although I love my Olive (the car's name) it has turned out to be a huge pain in the ass.

Let me back up and tell you my history with cars. When we moved to NJ I had already been through 3 of them. The first was a Dodge Shadow that was totaled when someone rear ended me (ha ha ha) on a bridge. The second was a convertible Dodge Shadow that had the rag top slashed 1x for just jerky vandalism and 1x to steal the car radio. The same car had all four tires slashed by a jerk who I broke up with, and I ran into my mother's car and my friend's car with it, and it ended up breaking down on a lonely country road and Teddy and I had to walk about a mile to a pay phone and call my dad and then wait about 2 hours on the side of the road for him to come get us. After that my in laws lent us their Celebrity which was an old white station wagon that I kinda liked. That car was totalled when someone T-Boned me (ha ha ha) after running a red light. ANNNNNNNNNNNNNDddd then we moved and I swore off cars.

In August when we bought our new car I thought that surely my luck must be better and that having a NEW car would solve a lot of our problems. Well I was WRONG. Since we got the car, Teddy has gotten a speeding ticket, a squirrel chewed through the transmission harness and I got to pay almost 900$ to have it fixed (our insurance did reimburse us 400$), and then yesterday a nice lady in a gigantic SUV ran into my car in a parking lot. It wasn't bad enough to report, just a small black smudge from her bumper and a tiny dent, but it was still my BEAUTIFUL NEW CAR. The lady felt so bad, and she was really nice because she waited around for me for about 45 minutes until I came back to my car....but still.

I have a weird thing about thinking things ALWAYS happen in threes. If something bad happens I find myself being anxious just KNOWING that two more bad things are going to happen. The other day I broke my watch when I was taking it off, and then later that day the button ripped off my coat and I JUST KNEW something else was going to break. The next day I accidentally broke the handle off my coffee mug and Teddy said "hey! it's the third thing!" and I was so relieved because it wasn't something I really cared about.

Anyway, all that was just to say that I am really hoping that the third thing has passed and now I can get over my bad Carma.

Behind

Elf soundtrack.

Dark chocolate and chili bar....Sounds gross, but SO GOOD.

Ugly doll picked out by Eli.

Starbucks gift card.

So um...The Hangover. I liked it. I didn't think it was GREAT or HILARIOUS but I liked it. I think so many people told me it was the FUNNIEST THING LIKE OMG EVER that I just expected too much. Honestly, I though Harold and Kumar go to White Castle was funnier, and now you know how sophisticated my movie tastes are. I HATE when people at parties or get togethers ask you for favorite movies and other people are saying To Kill a Mockingbird (I did really like the book) or Amelie or whatever and the best thing I can come up with is probably Grease. I know.

Speaking of being a dumb ass, the InExile family is going to have to start for reals budgeting money AND not eating like frat boys starting in January. It isn't going to be a fun month but my spending AND my eating is out of control. I seriously need to reel it in!

I'm also thinking of some things I'd like to put out there in the universe that I'd like to accomplish in 2010. I'll get to it soon...

bullets for Friday

I've got nothing new to add today but I read someone else's post today which reminded me of some stuff that I know a lot of you like that I just don't get....

For example:

• Seinfeld. I've mentioned this before. I don't get it. It makes me uncomfortable because they seem to yell at each other a lot. I can't watch it without hiding my face.
• Twilight or Vampires...How did Vampires become so cool all the sudden? I have never actually read Twilight so really I shouldn't judge but I'm not really into Sci-Fi kind of stuff
• Down Vests. Aren't your arms cold?
• Why the Sci-Fi channel felt the need to change their name to SyFy Channel. Lame.

Oh, and I also wanted to give you a Mom to English dictionary in case you ever meet my Mom.

• Pandera=Panera
• Liberry=Library
• Furry=Ferry
• Burry=Berry
• Jeepy=her car which is a Jeep but she says "Jeepy" like you should know already
• Rangy Tang=her cat Meringue...the name Rangy Tang makes my skin crawl

Here are some things she keeps in her house I don't get

• Zip lock bags full of seashells on every flat surface (she likes the idea of seashells as knick-knack sort of things but she doesn't want them to get dusty)
• a shrine to her dead dog which includes raw hide bones...which reminds me of pouring out some of your drink for your dead hommies.
• a coyote skull
• giant plastic bugs used as home decor
• old nuts and Cinnamon sticks that she runs through the dishwasher
• fake flowers pushed into pots

Please feel free to tell me about some stuff that you don't get. Here are some examples of things I like that might help you:

• The Office
• The Real Housewives of Wherever
• pigtails
• making fun of my mom online
• eating till I feel sick
• smoking (not recently)

AND..........go!

unrelated

I forgot to tell you guys about how Teddy TOTALLY stole my thunder at MY reunion. We got to the reunion and there was two girls I went to high school with (Teddy did not go to high school anywhere near where I did) greeting everyone and handing out name tags at the door. They greeted me and I turned to introduce them to Teddy and they were like "OH MY GOD WE KNOW, IT IS [BAND NAME] AND [OTHER BAND NAME]" Then they proceeded to GUSH and hug him and talk about how he was FAMOUS. UGH. I love my husband more than anyone in the world but DUDE. DUDE. I was there looking HOT and he totally stole my stoplight. (oh and for the record he was only famous in the college town we lived, but there he was totally awesome. Free beer all the time...when you are 22 and broke that was the best)

The college town we live in has a shuttle bus that goes around and picks students up for class. The other day Teddy and I were out for a walk and we were walking past the bus stop and it totally stopped for US. I was very excited and felt young and pretty.

This just creeps me out.

That is a bird, in case you couldn't tell and he is eating EGGS for breakfast. That just seems wrong to me.

Reunified

(this really isn't a great picture but atleast you can see the dress on, but you can't see my shoes, which were really the best part)

We went to my reunion over the weekend, and it was fun, but not FUN. A very good friend of mine from high school flew out from the mid west to attend and I was really excited to get to see her. When we got to the reunion she was already a little tipsy and an hour later she had to be carried out. I was embarrassed for her, and it was sad because it didn't seem like this was the first time that sort of thing had happened. It kinda put a damper on the whole evening.

It was really weird when we got up the next morning to just go get breakfast and not not have to try and entertain a 3 year old while eating. It was also very weird to lay in bed till 8:30 and have no real pressing reason to get up.

I really loved my dress and we have to go to a party at one of Teddy's professors this Friday so I think I'll wear it to that as well. This Saturday is also OUR birthdays (Teddy and I have the same birthday, but we are 10 years apart). We don't have any plans, except my plan of convincing someone to buy me a cake from Cold Stone and then eating it.

firsts

• I signed up for my first race. I am very excited. It is a 10K on November 7th. I was never really interested in running a race, but now since I don't have a job it is nice to have a goal.
• I am leaving Eli for the night for the first.time.ever. to go to my high school reunion this weekend. I have gone into his room every night for the last three years and checked on him, and made sure his covers were pulled up, and it will be weird to spend the night without him. It will be pretty nice for the first time in three years to NOT get up at 7 AM if I don't feel like it. It isn't that I don't think he'll be JUST FINE, better than fine actually, it is more that *I* won't be the one there doing the stuff, making his dinner, getting him ready for bed etc. He'll be with his aunt and uncle and they will have fun together and I doubt he'll even really miss us, but I'll miss him. (must remember to put out his insurance card and list of pre approved organic, sugar free snacks)
• I need to get measured for a bra. I never have been properly measured but after some trials and tribulations I settled into a 36 C for a very long time. Now, after having lost almost 60 lbs (whooo hooo) my boobs have gotten smaller and I'm guessing my...uhh...circumference(?) is smaller too. I have tried to get smaller sizes but I keep getting it wrong, but I'm still too embarrassed to get sized. I keep imagining some tiny teenage girl measuring me at Victoria's Secret and then texting to her BFF what a loser I am after I leave....any suggestions?

too much?

I graduated from high school 15 years ago (yikes!), this weekend is our first reunion. When I graduated I was a sad, chubby girl (size 10) whose boyfriend of 2 years just inexplicably broke up with her. I had no plans to go to college and I was really confused about what I was going to do.

Now I'm a sad 32 year-old with an amazing husband and the world's cutest kid. I have no job so I'm embarrassed about that, but I plan on dazzling them with my new body and my super cute shoes, but I'm afraid they may be a bit too stripper, but maybe I don't care.


I took the shoes outside to take their picture because I wanted you to see that they are a deep purple color, not black.
This dress definitely looks much cuter than this on, it reminds me a little of MadMen so I think it is sexy.

This was almost my favorite part of the dress. I originally tried on a size 8, but it was too big. HOLY SHIT. I came out of the dressing room and loudly said "this is too big, Teddy will you please go get me a size 6." I was so excited. The dressing room attendant and her boyfriend seemed unimpressed.

I really wanted to get a dress from Anthropologie, but I just felt too guilty about the money, so I ended up getting this dress from Target and the shoes from Kohls. I am happy with them, and I think they are going to look pretty good, although the shoes may be a bit too much...

SPOILER ALERT: I didn't die

Oh my GAWD Y'all, I thought I was going to die Saturday night. I can just now talk about it without feeling all queasy and anxious. I'm about to go into TMI so if you don't like body fluids go ahead and check out now. I would suggest some pictures of kittens.

Anyway, my stomach had been a little off for a couple of days and really I didn't think much of it, sometimes that happens to me before I get my period. I honestly hadn't been making the best food choices and I was over indulging so I figured that had something to do with it also. Saturday we had a great day and hung out with my sister and Mr. P and then went to my holy land (Target) and then got to see and hang out with some old friends. It really was a great day and Teddy volunteered to go get us some greasy southern food that he loves, and I was in such a good mood I agreed.

I ate some grilled chicken...but then I had fried green tomatoes, fried okra, a piece of cornbread and Eli's left over macaroni and cheese. It was so delicious. Oh man, and then around 10:30 that night the dying started. I had stomach cramps so bad they honestly felt worse then when I was in labor. They would start, hit an awful peak and then start to subside, I could feel the pain from my head to my toes...I was starting to Lamaze breath and when I could get off the toilet I walked the halls just like I did when I was in labor. It went on ALL.NIGHT. Never in my life have I had something like that, I can not type big enough how PAINFUL it was. It finally subsided around 7:30 Sunday morning, but now I'm afraid to eat and have been sticking to pretty bland stuff for the last few days.

I have now consulted with Dr. Google and diagnosed myself with IBS. I think I need to start a foundation or maybe have a fund raiser for myself. It is almost as good as having Restless Leg Syndrome. The really crappy thing is I get so anxious about any sort of stomach issue I automatically make it 10 times worse by freaking out. Sometimes it is super fun to be me.

confessions

• I lost my wedding band. This is making me very, very grumpy. I HATE losing things and it makes me feel irresponsible to lose something. I am very judgey when other people lose things and think that "if they were more organized ..." etc, they wouldn't lose things. I put it on before I went to pick up Eli from daycare on Friday and that evening I noticed it was gone. It was too big since I have lost weight and I think it just slipped off.
• I have been smoking. No more than one cigarette a day, and not every day, but still it is a slippery slope and I have to knock it off. I have been using cigarettes to get through the monotony of my day, I think "oh I"ll just go out back and have a cigarette on the swing" and then I always feel like crap afterwards.
• I have been indulging in too much "retail therapy." Buying things makes me happy, it always does. I have been buying stuff for our house that I really shouldn't be until I have a job, but this weekend I bought curtains for our bedroom (at Target) and honestly they do make me feel better, but I still feel bad about spending the money. I have bought all of us clothes at Old Navy, I bought Eli pajamas from Kohls and I bought entirely too much stuff at Target for our house.
• I've been cheating at Weight Watchers. I have no idea why I do this, because the ONLY one who sees my WW food journal is me, but for instance if I have a peanut butter sandwich I will put "1 tablespoon of peanut butter" when I'm SURE I used way more than that. I have no idea why I do this, and it really serves no purpose...but I'm sure it explains why I'm not currently losing any weight.

Ahhh I feel better now that I've confessed. Do you have any?

blah

We had a really great weekend, and Teddy and I both said that this weekend made us think that moving here was totally worth it. We had a BBQ and my sister and her family attended as well as Teddy's brother and Sister in Law. It was really great. The 5,000 calories I ate in Salt and Vinegar chips were worth it too.

In spite of the great weekend I'm still feeling blah today. It is the same story, that with out working I really feel sort of useless and losery, which is sad that so much of my identity is wrapped up into having a job, but there it is. I'm trying to cheer myself up, so let me share with you some bullets of goodness.

• I got two DVD's of thirtysomething in the mail today. I love watching TV on DVD. I just got done watching season 3 of Dexter and Teddy and I loved it.
• Small. I ordered a small shirt from Old Navy and I got it today AND it fits. I know that small at Old Navy is probably the same as Medium anywhere else, BUT I was wearing an XL from Old Navy and to own a clothing item that says SMALL AND FITS is totally rocking my world.
• My 15 year high school reunion is in less than a month and I must find something fabulous to wear. I'm thinking of splurging and getting something from Anthropologie, but it does sort of make me feel guilty since I have NO INCOME.

That's all I got for now. I've been a sucky blogger and a sucky commenter...I must get out of my funk.