I found out yesterday that Eli's swim lessons start on May 9th. Oh dear. I'm not quite ready for bathing suit season yet, and I was thinking the earliest I would have to be in a swimsuit would be Memorial Day.
I did not lose any weight last week even with jogging four times. I'm still feeling in a bit of a slump and it is the same story as always. I have lost 42 pounds and dammit I'm STILL fat. What the hell? I'm feeling emotional and fragile and I look at my body and it still does not look like I want it to, and I'm JUST NOW starting to realize that maybe it never will.
We are looking forward to Easter and because we do not follow any religion Easter to us is the Easter Bunny and CANDY. I told Teddy that I am having some candy (dammit!) and then it just makes me feel guilty because how am I ever going to look like a Victoria's Secret model if I eat candy, and then I remember OH YEAH I'm 5'2" I'm probably not EVER going to look like a Victoria's Secret model.
In moving news: OH MY GOD WE ARE MOVING! That is about it. We are starting to figure out logistics of actually physically moving our shit and damn it is a pain in the ass. We were all set to hire a moving company to move every scrap of our life from NJ to AL and then did you know it can take weeks (!) for them to get your shit to your house? I don't even get that? What am I supposed to do without my clothes or a bed for weeks (!)? We finally asked my BIL to help us out (yay for family!) and thankfully he has agreed. Now that I have a house to live in, I am starting to get really anxious about a job, because you know houses aren't free and who the hell is going to get a job in this economy?
My anxiety will never end, and I'm starting a new birth control and I saw that one of the side effects is weight gain. Ugh. Now I am actually stressed about that. Why, why can't I be a normal person?
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4 comments:
What birth control are you using? My gyn told me that our method of birth control may not be successful when I get to a "normal" weight, that it is likely my fat that has kept us baby free for so many years.
I am sorry you are still anxious and that your body isn't changing shape like you would like. I am really hoping that when I get to where you are, I will be happy to just look good IN clothes. (like you do!)
because normal=boring
i'd totally stop reading your blog if it were all like, oh, my life is so wonderful and i'm wonderful and i'm married to mr. wonderful and i have a wonderful job/life/house/car/insert thing here. bleh.
however, i bet you aren't giving yourself enough credit for how awesome you look. srsly, 42 lbs is a small child (or half of my 3rd grader).
You don't give yourself enough credit for how far you've come! 42 pounds is very far in a weight loss journey. It's like a marathon. And you did it! Here's the thing I've realized over the years: I don't think we ever actually like the way we look in a bathing suit. I think back to high school when I had ZIPPO to complain about and yet I didn't look like Paulina Porizkova (sp?) and so that = crap. Be kind to yourself and think about how far you've already come.
Ditto on the swimsuit. When the hell did it become swimsuit season?
But losing 42 lbs. - good God woman that is AWESOME! You should be proud. And maybe your body looks better than you think? Maybe you've still got the old mindset and instead you are hot!
And that is crazee about the move. We have always had to move ourselves except once and the truck came the next day. When we move ourselves we are always still doing crap at like 2 am because it takes so long.
And ugh, birth control. Yuck.
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