May is for Me!

A year ago I started a weight loss journey and to date I have almost lost 50 lbs (48 lbs as of today). In celebration of sticking to my new healthy way of living I am having a month about ME (oh, who am kidding, in my life EVERY month is about me!).

This month I am going to have a manicure and pedicure, a spa facial, I'm going to dye my hair (nothing dramatic just a bit redder), and have a nice cut, and I'm also thinking of having something waxed for bathing suit season.

I'm hoping that before our trip to Alabama I will 1. be able to say "I lost 50 lbs" and 2. Wear a size 8. I was looking back at my original post that I wrote on May 15th of last year:

I am now officially the same weight I was at my 39 week OB appointment. I feel disgusting and depressed and completely UN sexy. When we started trying to conceive [Eli] it was taking longer than I anticipated so I committed to a plan of healthy living (hoping this would help the process). I quit smoking cold turkey after 12 years (I started smoking when I was 16), I ate much better, and I exercised daily. When I became pregnant I continued to eat well and exercise and I only gained 24 pounds (9.2 lbs was baby). When [Eli] was born I was actually in great shape. I weighed less than I did when we started trying to conceive him.

After[Eli's] birth I ate very little for six weeks and lost another 10 or so pounds. I was so anxious and depressed, food didn't really have much of a taste and eating would end up making me feel nauseous. While I was on maternity leave I walked every day because [Eli] was not a good sleeper but would sleep in his stroller. Then I started taking medication for the postpartum depression and I returned to work, and food became my friend again.

Once I returned to work I had started feeling much better and because I had lost so much weight I had given myself permission to eat anything I wanted. I also quit exercising daily around this time because with work, an infant, and winter approaching it was hard to get outside everyday (plus I probably naturally tend towards the lazy side when it comes to exercising). I have never been a gym person so all of my "workouts" have been outside activity.

I also think I was angry with my body and I quit taking care of it. When we were trying to conceive, I wanted my body to be in the best shape possible. During my postpartum period I felt like my body had failed me and I quit taking care of it. My body produced a baby that was literally too big to come out the traditional way, the postpartum depression completely kicked my ass, and breastfeeding didn't work out and that is something I am still upset about.

Now that we are considering kid #2 I think I need to get back in shape and lose at least 20 pounds before we start trying to conceive again. I am too embarrassed to post my weight here, but I think I will start posting updates on my weight loss. I think I'll also take some before pictures and maybe if I get the balls I'll post those.

A couple things about the post that really struck me is that I really thought I ONLY needed to lose 20 lbs...ha ha ha ha ha, and seriously even after 48 lbs I still think I could stand to lose another 10. The other thing is we are still pretty much at the same point with kid #2. I am so interested in people who just KNOW they want more kids....I'm just so overwhelmed with the one I have I don't know how you moms do it!

In the interest of full disclosure I was 191 lbs when I posted that day, that was the same weight I was when I was NINE MONTHS PREGNANT with Eli. I am 138 lbs as of today. I know that I have technically lost MORE than 50 lbs (53 to be exact) but I use my starting weight as the weight I was when I started Weight Watchers (186).

Anyway, now that I over shared what's up with you?