stuff and things

Remember that time a couple of weeks ago when I was all happy and zen? Well that is WAY over. I have been trying to sit down and write an actual blog post but I am so overwhelmed by EVERYTHING I don't know where to start and then even my blog overwhelms me. I wanted to write a nice post about my weekend with my sister and how it made me look forward to spending more time with family (well....select family), I wanted to write about how lame we are and how we sit next to each other and look on our computers and think this is FUN. BUT every time I try I have a jumble of stuff going on in my head and I can't get a whole post out, it is just bits of information so that is what I have to offer now.
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I am starting to FREAK OUT about our move...Did you know Alabama is FAR from here, and it is hot there and I will have to have all my shit taken from here to there. I will have to get a job and drive a car and things will be different, and hot, and not the same. and hot. I am already trying to figure out where to live and look at houses over the internets because oh my hell I need a house this second or I will be homeless with my baby on the street and it will be hot and where will I put my things? There is like two places in the whole town to work. What if I don't' get a job at one of those places? I'm going to die on the street, oh it is so so sad.
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Here is a conversation I had with Teddy last night (in response to the new iBook that Apple has) that *I* thought was amusing:
Penny: I am going to invent a computer and I'm going to say it is the greenest laptop ever made but really it is just going to be colored green and I'm going make a fortune.
Teddy: Your tag line can be don't read the fine print
Penny: Yeah, and you know what my computer is going to be made out of? Baby Seals. Then my tag line will be You don't want to know.
Teddy:......
End Conversation
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I have hit a plateau in my weight loss. I have been hoovering around the same number for a month now. I am really starting to get frustrated and feel like my body is just really stubbornly holding on to that last twenty pounds. Does anyone have any tips on shaking things up to start losing again?
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I thought that knowing I would be getting to quit my job would make things less stressful, and it some ways it has, BUT now when I am doing things and they are stupid and pointless I just keep thinking about how I'm not even going to be here in five months so why am I even doing this stupid pointless stuff to start with? I at least had some motivation in the past which was I want my family to eat food so I will keep doing my stupid job, but now I just think ehhh how much do I REALLY care now if I get fired? The other part is that I have a friend at work and we constantly play the whose job sucks more game, and now I'm always going to lose because once I tell him I'm going to quit he is never going to let me complain anymore because he'll be "oh whatever you are quitting who cares" and then that sucks because I like to complain.
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Those are a few of the things that are constantly rumbling around in my head, add some daily annoyances, my regular stress about money and parenting, and my new annoyance about why Teddy's brother won't return our calls and you have my day. (plus of course the times I laugh at my own jokes hysterically, the constant entertainment and joy that Eli brings, and my delightful husband THOSE THINGS TOO)

Easter tree

I'm tired and headachey, and sad my sister left and I have to go back to my stupid job tomorrow so I don't feel like writing a whole post about our very lovely, relaxing weekend, BUT I did want to show you our crafts that we worked very hard on.


I also have a question for you: If you had an Easter tree which of the featured eggs would you want to hang on it?

P.S. The egg with the face on it is supposed to be me. It isn't the most flattering, but sadly it isn't too far off either....

Sad.

We are right this moment watching Spectacular!, there is not a 12 year old girl in sight (unless you count Teddy who has already seen this once even thought he claims it is for "work"). Later we are going to brush each other's hair, hold hands, and maybe tell scary stories.

We have had a nice visit so far, except for when I took my sister to pick up Eli from school and he was in a full blown tantrum. He later said the only reason he had a tantrum is because I tried to make him say "hi" to his aunt and he didn't want to. I know, I know I'm a horrible mother.

We are trying to come up with what to do tomorrow. If we are lucky maybe there will be a Jonas Brother's special on and we can be two creepy women in their 30's watching stuff geared towards teenagers BY OURSELVES (again).

Tuesday Bullets

We had a nice Valentine's Day! One of my gifts was knitting lessons (I'm not going to mention my other gift which might have been a "massager" from an "adult" store and when I opened it I didn't know what it was). I am very excited about my knitting lessons because I have claimed knitting to be a hobby of mine even though I don't know how to do it, so now I can have a legitimate hobby (I'm thinking it would be funny to knit a cozy for my other gift)

Hey? Have I mentioned we are moving? Like a bunch of states away? Oh holy hell.

I lost another one of my Weight Watchers points today. If you have never done Weight Watchers this makes no sense to you, but if you know what I'm talking about then you know it sucks and I am irrationally angry about the whole thing.

Remember the whole having to move thing? Well we now have to buy a car. We are probably going to get a Honda CRV. Do you know anyone that has one? Do they like it?

My sister is coming to visit this weekend, and my niece is coming to visit next weekend! I am very excited for lots of reasons but really a big huge reason is if they are here I don't have to play basketball/shadows/skateboarding/feet books as much for a couple days.

I am apparently 2/3 shredded. I did level 3 of the 30 Day Shred for the first time today. It was actually pretty frustrating because there were a couple moves I physically could not do. I think the video gets much MUCH harder between levels, it seems like it is skipping about 13 levels in between levels 2 and 3.

I was not totally happy with my bathing suit purchase so this weekend we want to Target and I got a new tankini ("tankini " is a stupid word and I feel stupid for typing it). I am happy with it, but I would still like to lose more weight for it to fit how I want it to.

Just so you know, that isn't me. My boobs are bigger and I am much hotter.

30 months

I asked Eli how the last 30 months have treated him, this is what he said:
I know I've said it a million times, but I never thought we (I) would make it this far. This part is definitely better than the itty bitty baby part, it is still hard, but I don't feel like I'm slowly going insane and my brains are going to start leaking out of my ears.

Days when I'm having a rough time I think of a night when Eli was probably four weeks old and I was laying on my bed on my stomach with my arm in his bassinet shushing him and rocking his mattress so he would stay asleep. I remember laying there and thinking that I had never in my life been so miserable, or could have even imagined being so miserable. I remember thinking that if I just died right then at least I'd get some rest. We are a long way from that night today.

At 3o months Eli has more personality than I thought would be possible for a toddler. He LOVES to talk and he keeps a running narrative of EVERYTHING he does. He does not like to play alone, he wants his father or I to be playing with him, or paying attention to him, at all times. He loves to makes us laugh, and he has a great sense of humor. He is really into imaginary books he gets from his feet, skateboarding, guitars, drums, and reading books.

I can't wait to see what the next 30 months have in store for us. I really believe we lucked out with this kid, he is more than we ever deserved and we work really hard to be enough for him.

114 and other crap

114 more days of working at this job that sucks a big fat one until I get to quit. That is not counting a few days I already plan on taking off, or weekends...Can I tell you what happened today? One of the doctors at my job fucked up and then tried to figure out a way to blame it on me WHEN I WASN'T EVEN IN THE OFFICE WHEN THE INCIDENT HAPPENED. Oh it is fun times here people.

Can I tell you something else? Not one time since we found out we are for sure moving have I felt melancholy whats so ever about leaving. OK I take that back, I felt a twinge of sadness over not getting to visit with my aunt who lives on the shore, but really that is it. I know I will miss NYC and my town that I live in, but I am so happy for Teddy, and so looking forward to hanging out with friends and family I haven't even had time to get depressed about leaving yet.

Not being sad about leaving does not have anything to do with being anxious though, I will get into a good freaking the fuck out in a couple of months. I will be completely losing my mind over having enough money and finding a job...I guarantee it... but nope not now, now I am in a completely not me zen state of happy and content.

In other non related stuff, what is the deal with people that HATE Valentine's Day? I'm not even talking about single people, I'm talking about people that are part of couples...I don't get it.

That's DOCTOR Teddy to you...

We found out today that Teddy got into the PhD program! I am so excited for him and for our family. I think at any other time in our marriage I would have been pretty upset about the thought of moving back to Alabama, but right now it really seems like the best thing for us. We are really excited about hanging out with my sister, BIL, niece and nephew. Teddy's brother lives there too and they have horses Eli can ride!

I was at a breaking point at work today and there was a moment I was so frustrated I almost cried. This is a BIG deal for me because I DO NOT CRY at work. I am stressed, anxious, and generally unhappy at work every day. Teddy and I have talked about trying to have another kid and I definitely do not think it would have been a healthy environment to be pregnant. Today as I was packing up for the day my phone rang and it was Teddy with the news. I can't imagine a better time to have received that news, I felt such a huge sense of relief, like there is finally at least a time line to my misery.

We are super excited right now, but give me a few days and I'll be in freaking the fuck out mode. It is just my way. I really think this is such a great step for our family and I am just so proud!

P.S. I have been trying to comment on your blogs but if you don't allow anonymous comments I realized that when I leave a comment it just links back to this blog. I deleted the comment I left on Bea's blog today, when I realized that. I will have to set up a dummy account so I can comment because I miss you guys! BUT hey maybe I'll just comment anyway because now I'm moving and quitting my job anyway so THERE STUPID FUCKING BLOG RUINER.

I'm annoyed.

I really wanted to write about how Eli has this new thing where he is obsessed with imaginary books that he, for some reason, gets off the bottom of his feet, BUT I am still too annoyed about having to ditch my old blog!

I am really feeling like the fat kid at the pool party where I'm sitting on the side and all my friends are in the pool having fun. I am surprisingly annoyed at having to leave "anonymous" comments, and I miss all my lurkers. I think people will forget to check in on me because I'm not on their blog role and it is all because some fucking douche suitcase had to be a creepy fuck face and ruin my day.

I really do not mind people disagreeing with me, or questioning some of my parenting choices...I always welcome a good debate, that is a lot of the reason I started a blog and allowed anonymous comments but I can't deal with some fucking weirdo who is making a big deal about how much they know about me and what I do.

I am annoyed with myself, NOT for writing about my work because I still believe that is my right, but for using my real first name and my sons nickname. I am annoyed because some person knows who I am, and I don't know who they are. I am annoyed because WAAAAA I liked my other blog and all my posts.

Ack I am really trying to get over this, but I am really surprised with myself about how upset I am over losing my old blog. I know things could be much worse, and whining about my blog is dumb but dude..DUDE my blog was my friend.

Twenty Percent

Today I am officially twenty percent lighter than I was on June 25, 2008. I am really proud of myself but I am also getting a little burnt out. I feel better, and I look better, but it is so hard for me that almost eight months later and I am STILL fat.

I am trying hard to stay motivated, and it has definitely helped that my sister has recently joined Weight Watchers but I'm starting to hear that old voice in the back of my head that says "oh just eat it, one piece of cake won't hurt." I really thought that by now I would be smoking hot, and really I'm still just working on not looking too frumpy.

I am still wearing a size 12, although now it is a petite, but I want to look HOT damn it! I know a size 12 would be small for some people (and I know for others it would be big) but I would really like to get down to at least an 8.

I was really upset when I tried on my bathing suit, because I still look like a chubby mom...I'm not sure who I thought I was going to look like but I definitely am not there yet. I want to stay motivated, I just don't know how.

P.S. Thanks to all of you who asked about your blog rolls, for now maybe just leave me off and I'll take a little time to let things blow over and then maybe in a month or so I'll ask you guys to add me back on!

What the hell happened?

Yikes! When I woke up this morning I looked at my comments from last night's blog. Someone posting as Anoynmous knew WAY too much about me and it REALLY creeped me out. The best I can figure is this is someone who works at the same hospital I do but in a different department. This person stumbled across my blog (lucky me) and then did some research to find out who I was through my job. I think this person then emailed my website to someone else who then left me a super crazy hateful comment.

In some ways I am really sad to leave my old home. I liked it there and I liked the blog friends I met through there. On the other hand it is nice to have a fresh start with no links to who I am, or where I live. Even though I used my son's nickname on my last blog, everyone knows we call him that and it would be very easy to link my first name with my son's original nickname. So here we are in pseudonym land.

Penny is a nickname a few people called me in college. Eli is a version of my son's middle name. and Teddy....oh Teddy. My husband, is really a super nerd. He was a mathelete (HOTT) and he also had a strange obsession with Theodore Roosevelt (he was a Rough Rider!) and in fourth grade he insisted his teacher call him Teddy, as you may know this is no where close to his real first name.

Anyway, here I am and I'm going to try and not be too sad about losing my old blog home due to some real asshats, BUT dude I was almost at my 200 post and was going to have a 200 post spectacular and now you are going to have to wait.