not what I expected

I thought I would be THRILLED to complete my last day of work. THRILLED might not even be a strong enough word...ECSTATIC. I thought I would be ECSTATIC to complete my last day of work, but instead I feel a little nauseous and a lot panicky.

I have no idea why I am surprised, pretty much anything can throw me for a loop, remember the scary dog crate dilemma of 2009?

We have no health insurance for the next two weeks and I just know something terrible is going to happen to us. I'm considering wrapping everyone in bubble wrap. Maybe I should take a exploratory trip to the ER tonight, I'll take my whole family and make stuff up and maybe they can do enough tests and rule enough stuff out to give me piece of mind for two weeks (I'm sure Bea is thrilled with that idea). (although my luck is I'd be diagnosed with a rare disease and then my next insurance would kick me off for having a previous condition or whatever, so OK forget that idea)

Send us safe thoughts!

two more days

Remember this? Well, then it looked like this.....well now it looks like this:

Oh how in the hell did that happen? I can.not.believe. I only have two more days of work left, that just seems so, so....Unbelievable (see what an artist I am with words).

I did get a call today and got an interview for a job in Alabama, but here's the thing, I kinda don't want that job. I could totally do it, and I'd probably be decent at it, but it isn't where I want to work. I'm afraid that things are so tough now that I'm going to take the first thing that is offered to me because I'll be afraid of nothing else coming around, and that is exactly what I did with the job I have now that I have hated for five years...

It is hard to complain about my work at this point because tomorrow I am going to the third party in my honor...that is really just so awesome, I can't even say. To realize people like you and respect you has meant so much to me, it is really changing my memories of how much I disliked my job and changing them into memories of some nice people I met along the way.

I'm curious if anyone has ever turned down a job and waited for something better, I never have because I'm always convinced I'll starve and die before a better one comes along, but what about you?

officially not fat

When I first started Weight Watchers my BMI was in the "obese" category. Today when I weighed in I officially moved into the "healthy" category. In my mind this means I am officially NOT fat (although quite honestly I still feel fat). I have identified myself for almost my entire life as "fat."

I have lost 10% of my body weight three times (confusingly to me this does not equal 30%, I am still a few pounds away from having lost 30% of my body weight). Today I hit my third goal. It has taken me FIVE months to lose fifteen pounds, but I did it. I am moving on to a new goal of losing another 10 pounds, it might take me another five months, but I can do it.

I used to believe that I couldn't do it, when people would say "if I can do it, so can you!" I never believed them, and I honestly believed they had something inside them that I just didn't have. I am here to say SERIOUSLY if I can do it, so can you!

PS My laptop charger/cord thingumabob broke and now we can't use our laptop because we don't have a way to charge it...I have ordered a new one but until then I can only check on you in bloggy land at work.

PPS After SEVERAL weird delays (which included the car dealer driving Teddy from Manhattan to NJ to get me to sign a paper today) we are finally in possession of our new car, I am seriously hoping cars last a good 50-60 years because I will shoot myself in the face if I have to do that again.

PPPS This is my last week of work. HOLY SHIT.

Is it something I said?

I do not like to talk on the phone. OK that is not entirely true, I like to chat on the phone (really only with my sister) but I do not like to call to order food or ask questions or anything like that. I would say it is a bordering on a phobia and if I know I have to make a lot of phone calls I will start getting anxious and try to put it off, or find someone else to make the calls for me.

Moving has included A LOT of phone calls. WAY to much for my taste, and although there are a lot of things you can complete online, there are still lots of things you have to call for like, movers, utility companies etc. I was telling Teddy yesterday that these past several days where I have been forced to make lots of phone calls have really been stressing me out but most of all I feel like people on the other end of the phone just don't GET me. I seem to be having a lot of misunderstandings with people, and I feel like people on the other end of the phone are getting annoyed with me, which in makes me annoyed at them.

Case in point, (is that how you use that?), yesterday I was calling some movers about unloading the moving truck for me. The lady wanted to know a "detailed inventory" of all our stuff. I became a little flustered because I thought surely they don't want me to list everything I own. Well I was wrong. I was becoming agitated because I am paying you BY THE HOUR just come get my goddamn stuff and fucking move it and the more stuff I have the more money you get. I just kept saying "uh, I don't know we have the regular amount of stuff" then we had the following conversation:

Annoying southern girl: Do you have any dressers?
Me: yes, we have two
ASG: Do you have any chest of drawers?
Me: Oh, wait...what is the difference between a dresser and a chest of drawers?
ASG: Sigh. A dresser usually has a mirror on top of it
Me: oh, OK then I have two chest of drawers
ASG: How many beds do you have?
Me: One queen sized bed and a toddler bed
ASG: oh, so one queen bed and a twin bed?
Me: No. A queen bed and a toddler bed, it is smaller than a twin bed it just fits a crib mattress
ASG: Oh well I have never heard of that (I GUESS IMPLYING THAT I MADE IT UP)

She continues to go through all household items and then starts asking about outdoor stuff.

ASG: Do you have any patio furniture?
Me: No. We live in a two bedroom apartment, we have no outdoor stuff and no garage.
ASG: So do you have a grill?
Me: NO. we don't have ANY outdoor stuff AT ALL
ASG: So, do you have a lawnmower
Me: Sigh. No.

then

ASG: How many boxes will you have
Me: Uhh I have no idea, is there an average amount?
ASG: No. Not really.
Me: Umm ok what do other people say?
ASG: I don't know
Me: do people usually know how many boxes they will have, because I'm not done packing.
ASG: yes
Me: Oh OK then I don't know I'll just say 50
ASG: OK well average amount is probably 60
Me: WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY THAT?
ASG: I did.

Anyway, needless to say when I got off the phone from that conversation I was annoyed and I keep wondering if it is just ME?

Today I got a call from the bank I'm getting my car loan from and they were annoyed at me because they say I told them I wanted to title the car in NJ but the dealer was telling them I want to title the car in AL. I said that is correct, I want to title the car in Alabama and the lady was MAD because she swore I told her I wanted to title it in NJ. Why would I have ever said that?

I am actually a very polite person, I do not have any kind of accent, I speak proper English, I don't get it, why can't anyone understand me?

this is the only way my brain works now

I am a complete nut job. I am FREAKING out that the car dealer might possibly be annoyed with me. I don't know why I do these things, and I think most people would probably just shrug it off. It started because the car dealer wanted us to pick up our car tonight but the bank I got a loan from is still stuck in 1995 and they are SLOW (that is what I get for getting a loan from a bank based out of Daleville, Alabama). The still haven't cut the check so we can't pick up the car.

I have been stressing out and not sleeping because now the car dealer might be mad at me. I'm not sure exactly how this would even affect my life if he was in fact mad at me, but this is my new obsession and it is making me crazy.

I have some other equally boring news for you:

The mayor of my town got arrested (ahh Jersey it is just SO JERSEY).

I am supposed to be having a birthday party for my child who will be three in 2.5 weeks (he won't be three in 2.5 weeks, that is just when the party is supposed to be), and I have done NOTHING. I feel horrible but I don't even know what to do. People are coming to my house for a party the DAY BEFORE I move. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea, but I really wanted to do something for Eli before we moved so my mom and my aunt could come. I'm thinking a cake from Cold Stone and some pizzas will have to do.

My son's real birthday is the weekend after we move into our house and I have NOTHING planned. Our nine year wedding anniversary is the next week and I got nothing. I have been so involved with this moving business I haven't been able to think about anything else. It will be really interesting when my brain can actually focus on something other than moving.

Next week is my sister's 40th birthday. I remember when I was growing up thinking that when my sister is 40 and I'm 33 ( I won't be 33 till October) we are going to be REALLY old. I really don't feel old at all now, but I remember when she turned 30 and I was 22 thinking that we would really be ancient by now and should probably start looking for nursing homes.

Sorry for all the disjointed thoughts, I feel like some sort of frantic yippy dog the way my mind just darts from one thing to another and I can't focus on anything. Again, let's hope this is just a symptom of the move and not how I'm going to be from now on...

Yay and Boo

We bought a car today! Yay!


We have no where to park it! Boo!


They found the exact car I wanted! Yay!


I suck at negotiating! Boo!


I am relieved we have gotten through most of that process! Yay!


I am annoyed we have to go back Thursday night! Boo!


I felt happy for about 3 hours this afternoon! Yay!


Once I realized I had no where to keep my brand new car the stress started again! Boo!


Here is a picture of what my car looks like! Yay!

(not our actual car)

I might get to pay 400$ to keep my car in a parking garage for 2.5 weeks! BOO!*

* I had actually looked into this before and I thought it wouldn't be a big deal, but what I didn't know is that you have to register your car in the state and have a NJ license plate in order to park in the municipal garage. We are just getting a temporary tag and going to register it in Alabama. It is always something.

too bad I'm so stupid, but atleast I got a lot of exercise

I really liked my sister's post of her jogging route and I decided I wanted to do a similar post today. I went jogging this morning, but I decided I am too uncoordinated to take pictures while I jog so Teddy agreed to walk the route with me in the evening so I could take my pictures. We went and walked the route and I took some beautiful pictures, and then deleted them all on accident. Ugh, I'll try again tomorrow.

P.S. I'm going to try and buy a car tomorrow. I am ridiculously stressed about it, wish me luck!

Lord, I'm coming home to you

One of the reasons Teddy and I were skeptical about moving back to Alabama is the religious zealots. It is pretty typical that immediately after you introduce yourself to someone they will ask you where you go to church. If you say "no where" they seem confused, and a lot of times will offer to take you to church with them ( or this has been my experience, maybe I just look like I need some church). People asking curious questions doesn't really bother me, but it is the judgement and trying to "save" me that bothers me. If you go to church that is fine with me, great with me actually, and I have no intention of asking you to stop going, so don't ask me to start.

On the drive to Birmingham there is a billboard stating "go to church or the devil will get you!" I actually have a t-shirt with this sign on it because I think it is so ridiculous, but unfortunately most folks don't think it is ridiculous, they thing it is REAL.

I was really surprised this morning when I was browsing the news that Alabama allowed a billboard to go up supporting Atheists and Agnostics. Now my guess is that before too long people will complain (they already started) and the billboard will be taken down, but to me it seems like progress.

Christian organizations are complaining that the billboard is "offensive." I don't really think it is offensive but it happens to support my way of thinking...what do you think?

Edited to add:
When I went back and was reading the article about the "Imagine no Religion" billboard again, I saw a link to another article about another religious billboard in Alabama.

Uhh, I'm sorry but I think that is creepy. Alabama is weird.

it seems important at the time

I stayed up for HOURS last night worrying...You know what I spent hours of my precious life worrying about? License plates. Yes. License plates, like for cars. The week before I stayed up for hours worrying about...dog crates. Yup, those cages you buy for your dog. I needed to get one.

I got the crate, so I thought my worrying could stop, but then it came and it might be too big, and I spent 80$ on it. Then I made Teddy go around and measure other people's cars ON THE STREET in front of strangers walking by on the crowded sidewalk. I made our whole family go out on an expedition to find the make and model of the car I want to buy to peer in the cargo area to see if we thought the dog crate would fit. I found three cars, and I made Teddy look at all of them. One had a for sale sign in the window so it looked less weird for us to be measuring that one, with a measuring tape I brought with us.

I can comprehend that these things are RIDICULOUS and that I shouldn't worry about them, but that doesn't seem to make me stop. I also try and think about how lots of other people have REAL problems, like looking for work or having sick family members...but that doesn't seem to help me in the moment either. At midnight last night the most important thing in the world was how I'm going to get a license plate, and do I have to get one for NJ even though I'll be moving to AL one week later. DO YOU KNOW BECAUSE I STILL DON'T?

threes

It always seems like bad things (and good things) happen in thirds around here. We found out last week that we are going to have to pay a lot of money up front for our medical insurance next year, and they want the money now. That sucks...we are generally healthy people BUT I wouldn't risk not having insurance.

It also seems my UTI made a reappearance over the weekend. Yay, that is awesome...I already made an appointment to see my PCP but damn now I have to go there and pay 20$. I was really hoping my self diagnosing and old prescriptions would do the trick. I also have some Zoloft in the cabinet from when I had PPD and some Valium from a neck muscle thing, maybe I should just take those too and call it a day.

Now I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop...when something happens I wonder if that was the third thing or not. In my wacky mind the things have to be around the same severity, so if today I give myself a paper cut, well that isn't bad enough so that can't be the third thing... so now I just wait.

Oh, I just got a text from my sister reminding me that my mom is coming to visit us in September, maybe that is the third thing.

Things I'm not clever enough to write whole blog posts about.

1. Remember this? Now look at it. This is equally exciting and terrifying...OK maybe not equally maybe leaning more toward terrifying but still exciting. OK maybe more like 60% terrifying and 40% exciting ..Mmmmm maybe like 70/30...OK maybe more like 100% terrifying until we move, unpack, I get a job, and we are all settled in. THEN it will be mostly exciting....Like 80/20.

2. This is also terrifying me, looking at these boxes...that I've packed...because we are moving. ACK. I'm not trying to be over dramatic but twice today I've looked at that stack of boxes and felt a wave of nausea so strong I had to sit down...Oh I just LOVE being me sometimes. (Eli LOVES that pink cat carrier... I have never seen him play with anything as much as he plays with that. He carries a stuffed cat around in it and just really amuses himself.) (Oh that reminds me we went to Target yesterday and I told him he could pick out some Band Aids and he picked out the Barbie ones.)
3. At Target yesterday I got ANOTHER bottle of this:
I am now obsessed with having tan legs and I moved on from the light version to the medium. I think I may have a problem and I might need an intervention soon. I had a friend who once told me "tan fat is better than pale fat" and by Jesus she was right. It also has FIRMING. I have no idea if it is actually firming anything, but I like to believe it is.
4. There are (hardly ever) benefits to be married to a dude that writes about children's music, but we got a free copy of Mr. Leebot's new CD and it is awesome. I totally would have even paid for it, which is saying a lot because I never buy CDs.
5. I have still been jogging, at least 4 times a week and usually about 20 miles a week, but I haven't been losing weight. I have been journaling, but not staying with in my Weight Watchers POINTS ( I have no idea why that is all caps but on the WW site it is always written like that ) This has been the first week, in weeks and weeks, I stayed with in my POINTS and I'm hoping to finally have a loss.
6. TLC is killing me. I mean it. I can't stand to see another ad for I didn't know I was pregnant, because it makes me want to punch someone in their chocha. I have been pregnant, and I don't buy it. And I know, I know that your sister's, cousin's, friend had a baby in the toilet because FOR REALS she didn't know she was pregnant and I'm calling BULLSHIT. Anyway, now there is 650 lb Virgin, and I just can't bear it.

I think that is all I got for now...although I could write more about my love for House Hunters and any documentary about someone getting murdered, but I'll save those topics for later.

Naming names

I love names and how people came up with the names they call their kids, or their pets, or their plants whatever. I name everything. If I have fish I name all of them, if we find a snail in the backyard we name it, if we see a particularly cute squirrel we give it a name.

When we were naming our son we really wanted a name that was original, but not too original...nothing like Pilot Inspektor or Jermajesty...Teddy and I both have fairly plain first names that neither one of us particularly liked growing up. I wanted a more original name and Teddy wanted a name that was easier to pronounce (Teddy's real name is not Teddy). It is interesting to me because today I was reading a post by a person with an original name and she was saying she always wanted a name you could find on one of those bicycle license plates, I always wished I had a name that was so original you wouldn't be able to get one of those things.

Anyway, when we were trying to pick out first names for our son we could not agree on anything, every name just sounded too plain and it just.wasn't. right. We ended up annoying everyone by giving our son Teddy's last name as his first name and my last name as his last name. Got it? So let's say Teddy's name is Teddy Smith and my name is Penny InExile our son's name is Smith InExile. So not only do I not have my husband's last name but our son has my last name. I know, we are weird. Here in the very blue, very liberal NJ no one really cares and they think it is "cool" when we explain it to them...I'm not sure how well this is going to go over in Alabama.

When we were naming our son we were SURE, and I mean ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE we did not want any more kids so we never considered sibling names. Now that we think we MIGHT, MAYBE, KIND OF want another one we have a naming dilemma. Whose last name do they get? Teddy seems to think they should share a last name (mine) but I don't really care, I mean I don't have the same last name as my sister, but I still understand we are related. And what are we supposed to give them as a first name when our other kid had Teddy's last name as his first name...

I'm thinking if I ever get pregnant with a second child I might ask Swistle for her advice...

Happy fourth of UTI!

I woke up at 3 AM on the 4th with the unmistakable signs of another UTI. Interestingly, it was exactly the one year anniversary of my last UTI, which is odd. My body somehow rejects America's birthday. I dunno. Luckily I had a course of Cipro ( I know, I know, I really shouldn't be diagnosing myself and taking old antibiotics) in the cabinet and after 24 hours I am already feeling 95% better.

To celebrate fourth of July I did my traditional making of the red, white, and blue food. I have had some really good creations...this year wasn't one of them.

These are the patriotic pancakes we had for breakfast.

This is my annual red, "white," and blue Jello. This year I could not find the white grape flavor, which is clear, and had to use pineapple which was way too yellow. Big disappointment. Two years ago I used white chocolate pudding. It looked pretty, but tasted awful.

And speaking of pee (weren't we?) we took the opportunity of a long weekend and started the potty training process. In some ways it is going much better than I thought, and in other ways it seems like it might never end. I'm already sick of saying "do you need to pee" and I feel like a total idiot asking him every seven seconds. He seems to get the idea, but he only likes to use his special small potty, and we are all confused about what we are supposed to do if he needs to go while we are out. We are using the bribery method and every time he uses the potty, he gets candy. I don't really like to do anything with out a theme, so potty training theme is "frogs."

I hope you had a great 4th, without so much talk of peeing.