Over the weekend we went to the wedding reception of an old friend of ours. It was weird because we saw a lot of friends we haven't seen in 10 years, and what made it weirder is because we couldn't think of anything to say to each other. You would think after 10 years you could think of one interesting thing to say, but nope, I couldn't.
It seemed to me like time stood still here when Teddy and I left and we came back and were plopped back right down in the middle of things. We had a nice time, but it doesn't seem like our friends are really our friends anymore, you know?
One of the people we ran into and talked to for a long time was a good friend of Teddy's. We were so happy to see him because we felt like there was finally someone there we had something in common with. They have been friends for 20 years and they played in several bands together. He and his wife had a baby the month after Teddy and I had Eli. We keep in touch with them via facebook and Holiday cards and we knew their daughter had some medical issues when she was born, mostly with her eyes, but really, we had no idea.
To back up a bit, let me say the previous week I was a total downer. I was depressed I wasn't working and I was feeling sorry for myself on several levels. Eli has been very difficult lately, I'm assuming the way most 3 years olds can be, but I was sure he was the only child who had ever been so difficult, and I was the only mother who just could.not.stand to hear him ask "mommy, what's that?" one more time. I was losing my patience frequently and asking Teddy if there was "something wrong" with Eli because he is just so... just so.... just so... MUCH.
Anyway, we stood there talking to our friend and when I start asking about his daughter he looks at me quizzically and says "you don't know?" and I say "what?" to which he goes into a long explanation about how their daughter has a brain abnormality and will never be "normal." He told us the story of visiting with the neurologist who very matter-of-factly went down a list of their daughter's problems including "severely MR" to which our friend responded "WAIT, what is MR?" and the doctor stopped and asked our friend "did no one tell you this before?" He went on to tell them to never expect her to graduate high school, and that she would be living with them for the rest of their lives. It was such a shocking story to me, and yet our friend told it the same way he told us the story about his cousin and the karaoke machine.
I don't mean it to sound like he didn't care, it wasn't like that at all, it was more that he was just dealing with it and it was just a part of his life now. It was so amazing to me because I told Teddy I don't think I could ever tell the story and not cry, I don't think *I* could ever be "normal" again. I have thought of our friends and their daughter every day since Saturday and I wonder how I could ever feel sorry for myself, how can I feel annoyed at my "normal" kid.
I'm sure I'm still going to feel sorry for myself, and I'm SURE I'm still going to be annoyed at my kid, but I have some perspective. I know that really it isn't that bad, and in taking a cue from my friends that even when it *IS* that bad, you just have to deal with it and move on.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Yikes. I hear you on the getting together with some people some time and wondering why it's so hard to talk/communicate. It's weird indeed. And then there are people you just 'fall into place' with no matter how long it's been.
That is sad about your friend. But their attitude and perspective sounds incredible. This is obviously NOT the same thing at all, but with my Dad, we keep saying how much we love him for who he is right this very minute and have to quit bemoaning what he used to be or should be..and it helps us to keep helping him. But with a child I can only imagine that kind of pain.
I'll leave you with the words of my five year old niece, words that Lee and I throw out at each other all the time: you get what you get and you don't throw a fit! ha.
That is such bad news for Teddy's friend, wow.
As you now, I have been lamenting my own child issues, and then got news today that a guy from work went in for a cancer surgery this morning, and they couldn't get the disease...he likely doesn't have much longer and he has 3 kids under 13. He won't ever get to bitch about what brats they are...so yeah, our grass? Pretty damn green.
Sometimes a little perspective goes a long way. I try to remind myself of that when I feel things are out of control and not just with the kids.
Post a Comment