quitted

I resigned from my job yesterday, it felt fabulous. Today I announced to all the staff I was leaving. It feels great to be out of the closet, since we have known we were definitely moving since February.

I have been exhausted since before our trip, and I haven't been sleeping well, so by 4 PM everyday I feel completely wiped out. I haven't been in the mood to write BUT I have more fun pictures for you. Ashley gave me a GREAT idea and said I should make a paper chain to count down my last days of work. I made one with 44 links, the amount of work days I have left (not counting weekends or days I took off). Teddy took a picture of me ripping off my first link, it was awesome.

what I did on my vacation

We checked out the campus where Teddy will be going to school.

We creeped out the people currently living in our rental house. It needs some love and some lawn maintanence.

We pretended like we were filming the opening credits of Little House on the Prairie.

We went to a lake on a motherfucking boat.

We took some time to smell the flowers.

And we played some rock band.

as promised...

OK, you don't even get the full effect with this picture of the camouflage effect and how the color is Little Mermaid Red.

We just got back from Alabama a few hours ago and we are exhausted, but I missed you guys! I'll show you our family photos tomorrow, I know you can't wait! What's been up with you?

one more week.

A reminder from April 8, of last month....

And today. It could still be better, but the size 8's that I bought to wear to Teddy's show, fit. I can breath, they button, and goddammit I am wearing them.

In other related news, my month of me had a major set back today. I decided to dye my hair a more fun and vibrant color and it ended up looking more like Ronald McDonald. Let me see if I can find the color...


So you see how happy and pretty that girl looks? I look the opposite, I am embarrassed and sad. My hair looks like a blind crack whore did it. Not only are some parts WAY redder but it seems like other parts didn't really change at all. It is like my hair is now camouflage. It is hideous. I will post some photographic evidence tomorrow because I didn't embarrass myself enough by putting up a picture of me squeezed into too small pants.

I can see the light

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! I was telling Teddy that for whatever reason I psychologically feel like today marks the beginning of the end of my most horrible job. I have worked here for five (5!) years this month. I started fresh out of graduate school and immediately disliked the job because I believed I had been lied to about what the job actually was, and yet I stayed here for five (5!) years, so who is the idiot now?

Next week I am only working on Monday and then at the butt crack of dawn on Tuesday we are leaving for Alabama (where we are moving OMG!). My mom is going to my sister's house today so she will already be there waiting for us. We are coming back to NJ on the 25th and then I'll be coming back to work on the 27th and the first thing on my agenda for the day is TURN IN RESIGNATION. I am very excited (again, I have wanted to quit this job since the DAY I started, but yet here I am five years later)but I have been having stress dreams for a week now. I think I'm afraid I will try and turn in my resignation and they will refuse and some way or another I will HAVE to work here for the rest of my life.

Resigning is also very stressful for me because it means that SOON I won't have any job. I haven't started to freak the fuck out YET...but it is coming. I just don't know how we will survive if I can't find a job, and Teddy won't find out if he gets his buyout package until the end of June. Because of how several things have worked out we have a feeling like we were "meant" (argh, barf, blech...that sounds so much like my mom, but really it is true) to move to Alabama at this time. I keep trying to tell myself that something will come through and everything will be OK, but I still can't help having mini panic attacks every few days because OMG we will starve (it isn't like my very own sister doesn't live in the town and I'm sure would at least feed Eli so my precious baby didn't starve).

In less stressful news Teddy and I have been thinking of where we would like to go once Teddy finishes school. It is fun to think about, and a lot of times we think we would like to move back here, and sometimes I think a nice beach town in North or South Carolina would be nice too. We aren't fans of the West Coast, and although I think I would like Chicago, I think it would be too cold for me. Does anyone have any suggestions (I have a feeling Austin might come up)?

Mother's Day gift for you.

hate to hate

I needed to write a post just to get that stupid italics post moved down on the page because the italicness of it is just annoying me, but I really don't have much to say....BUT here is the thing I have been thinking about just this minute:

Do you read any blogs where you just CAN.NOT.STAND. the author ( I mean of course, besides me). I have two blogs that I check in on once or twice a week and I really can't stand the authors and EVERY time I go there I want to smack them, but yet I can't seem to stop myself from going back over and over. It isn't like my obsession with Real Housewives of insertcityname, because I actually enjoy disliking those bat shit crazy wack a doodles, but these blogs never fail at irking me, I don't enjoy it, AND YET I keep going back...what is that about?

Freddy and Jenny

My previous post just seemed to raise more questions and confuse people, so I'm going to tell you the story of our friends....let's call them "Freddy" and "Jenny"...

Freddy and Jenny moved to the NYC area in September of 2001. Freddy was excited because his new job had promised him a lot of growth and potential, but he would still be a public servant and helping children, things that were very important to Freddy. Freddy was also given a scholarship to get his Master's degree. Freddy and Jenny moved from a small town in Alabama to pursue their dreams of living in the big city.

Freddy's new job began well but during his commute on his second week of work a plane crashed into the World Trade Center, and I don't think I have to tell you what happened after that. The monies that had been previously set aside for Freddy's job in NYC where now being channeled into Homeland Security and things began changing rapidly. The potential for Freddy's job quickly declined but he was still able to complete his Masters degree. Freddy and Jenny had been living paycheck to paycheck and struggling to make ends meet but they thought that once they had completed their graduate degrees things would change.

Freddy and Jenny both completed their graduate educations and believed that soon they would be able to make enough money to live comfortably in their chosen city. They both have jobs as public servants and typically these are not high paying positions, coupled with the administration at the time, things were not good in the land of non profits. Their salaries increased but the cost of living increased more. Freddy and Jenny had a baby, and they were thrilled but also in a predicament that Jenny could not afford to stay home but daycare was also EXTREMELY expensive (think mortgage payment). Freddy and Jenny continued working and hoping that THINGS would improve (mainly they would magically make more money and NYC would magically become cheaper). Jenny became increasingly frustrated with Freddy's Saturday work days because he was missing their child's swim classes and family weekends but Freddy's work required Saturday hours.

Jenny was becoming increasingly dissatisfied with her job but she felt she was stuck there because it was only a few short blocks from their child's daycare and her work was flexible with her hours if she needed to leave to pick up a sick child or attend a program. Twice Jenny threatened to quit and twice she was given tiny raises and promises of new and better things to come...Twice these promises really didn't pan out.

Freddy and Jenny began discussing OPTIONS because they were not living their dream in NYC as they had hoped. They didn't make enough to do anything other than live comfortably and eat, there would be no extras and no vacations, there was no hope of EVER buying a place to live, and Freddy was still working on Saturdays. Freddy would ALWAYS have to work Saturdays and the options of moving on to bigger and better things with in his place of employment were becoming almost non existent. Freddy began talking to Jenny about pursuing his PhD. Jenny agreed under the circumstances that she would ONLY move back to the town where her sister and Freddy's brother were living because if she was going to move to the middle of no where she had to at least like the people that live there.

Freddy was accepted into the University and given a great deal where he would make a teeny tiny amount of money but he would not have to pay tuition and Jenny was so frustrated with her job she was THRILLED at the thought of moving on. Freddy and Jenny planned on giving their jobs two months notice and started making plans to move.

If you didn't know, moving is EXPENSIVE and Freddy and Jenny will also need to buy a car. They are saving as much as possible but don't know if they will have enough to make things easier for them, while also having a bit of padding in case Jenny doesn't find a job right away. Freddy is a couple days away from announcing his resignation when he receives an email sent out to ALL employees that they are offering buyout packages so they may be able to stave off layoffs. Freddy would have to sign up and attend a counseling session and a couple of meetings in order for the powers that be to decide if he was eligible for the buyout package.

Freddy and Jenny wondered if there were ethical/moral concerns about taking a buyout when they already planned on quitting....

That is where our friends Freddy and Jenny are now...to be honest, they are going to try and get the buyout but are curious if others believe this is a wrong/unethical/immoral thing to do.


Why is this whole post in italics?...well, it started out as an addition on yesterday's post but then I cut it and past it into a new post and it won't let me fix it, so maybe you can pretend like it is a dream sequence or something...

hypothetically, of course

Hypothetically, if you were planning on quitting your job and then before you turned in your resignation you were offered a buyout package, would you accept?

ETA: I feel the need to clarify. If the hypothetical place you worked was a good place that was free for people to go and learn, and you really like the idea of these kinds of places but they are losing money fast in this economy and the only reason they are offering you a buy out is because they are desperate for more money....then would you take it?

ETA: OK there is more to it still...it wasn't that you were targeted for a buyout but EVERYONE is being asked if they are interested so you would have to sign yourself up...hypothetically of course.

May is for Me!

A year ago I started a weight loss journey and to date I have almost lost 50 lbs (48 lbs as of today). In celebration of sticking to my new healthy way of living I am having a month about ME (oh, who am kidding, in my life EVERY month is about me!).

This month I am going to have a manicure and pedicure, a spa facial, I'm going to dye my hair (nothing dramatic just a bit redder), and have a nice cut, and I'm also thinking of having something waxed for bathing suit season.

I'm hoping that before our trip to Alabama I will 1. be able to say "I lost 50 lbs" and 2. Wear a size 8. I was looking back at my original post that I wrote on May 15th of last year:

I am now officially the same weight I was at my 39 week OB appointment. I feel disgusting and depressed and completely UN sexy. When we started trying to conceive [Eli] it was taking longer than I anticipated so I committed to a plan of healthy living (hoping this would help the process). I quit smoking cold turkey after 12 years (I started smoking when I was 16), I ate much better, and I exercised daily. When I became pregnant I continued to eat well and exercise and I only gained 24 pounds (9.2 lbs was baby). When [Eli] was born I was actually in great shape. I weighed less than I did when we started trying to conceive him.

After[Eli's] birth I ate very little for six weeks and lost another 10 or so pounds. I was so anxious and depressed, food didn't really have much of a taste and eating would end up making me feel nauseous. While I was on maternity leave I walked every day because [Eli] was not a good sleeper but would sleep in his stroller. Then I started taking medication for the postpartum depression and I returned to work, and food became my friend again.

Once I returned to work I had started feeling much better and because I had lost so much weight I had given myself permission to eat anything I wanted. I also quit exercising daily around this time because with work, an infant, and winter approaching it was hard to get outside everyday (plus I probably naturally tend towards the lazy side when it comes to exercising). I have never been a gym person so all of my "workouts" have been outside activity.

I also think I was angry with my body and I quit taking care of it. When we were trying to conceive, I wanted my body to be in the best shape possible. During my postpartum period I felt like my body had failed me and I quit taking care of it. My body produced a baby that was literally too big to come out the traditional way, the postpartum depression completely kicked my ass, and breastfeeding didn't work out and that is something I am still upset about.

Now that we are considering kid #2 I think I need to get back in shape and lose at least 20 pounds before we start trying to conceive again. I am too embarrassed to post my weight here, but I think I will start posting updates on my weight loss. I think I'll also take some before pictures and maybe if I get the balls I'll post those.

A couple things about the post that really struck me is that I really thought I ONLY needed to lose 20 lbs...ha ha ha ha ha, and seriously even after 48 lbs I still think I could stand to lose another 10. The other thing is we are still pretty much at the same point with kid #2. I am so interested in people who just KNOW they want more kids....I'm just so overwhelmed with the one I have I don't know how you moms do it!

In the interest of full disclosure I was 191 lbs when I posted that day, that was the same weight I was when I was NINE MONTHS PREGNANT with Eli. I am 138 lbs as of today. I know that I have technically lost MORE than 50 lbs (53 to be exact) but I use my starting weight as the weight I was when I started Weight Watchers (186).

Anyway, now that I over shared what's up with you?

Things that are currently making me happy.

Ashley and Lee are in town and they brought us these cake balls all the way from Texas (and look at the pretty tin and the cute tissue paper)! They are delicious. I ate 3.5 in about one minute. They are way more dense and moist then I would have thought... I definitely recommend going out and getting one of these right this minute.

I got this Blackberry last weekend. I totally love it. I have never really been into cell phones but it is so pretty and small and PINK and I can check my email and actually send text messages....who knew I would be a cell phone dork.

Weight Loss Win

May is starting out just the way I like, with a nice pile of cash! This morning I found out I won our work weight loss challenge. I lost 15.4 pounds in 16 weeks, which really isn't THAT stellar, but still enough to win! I won 280$ (pictured above). I am going to use the money to buy some Flor tiles, which are my new obsession. Home furnishings and decorations are my absolute favorite thing to spend money on, buying clothes for Eli is probably a close second.

This month should be a good one. We are going to Alabama in a little over two weeks ( I haven't tried on my size 8s since the last picture I showed you, I might try again this weekend to see if I am getting closer to wearing them AND breathing) to go to my nephew's graduation. We are both looking forward to it, and I have already talked to my niece about babysitting for us TWO nights while we are down there. Two nights out for us is unheard of, the last time we went out was in December when my Mom watched Eli for 3 hours...

Another big thing this month is I am turning in my resignation! I will do it right when we come back from Alabama, which gives them two months to replace me which I think is fair. I can not wait, I just feel like once I can tell them I am quitting I will finally be FREE! Of course turning in my resignation means the beginning of FREAKING out about getting a job in Alabama. Teddy's stipend is NOT enough for us to live on and I have to find SOMETHING so we can have the luxuries we are used to, like food and a place to live.

Anyway today I am going to try to be happy about my winnings and I am going to try VERY hard not to Google pig flu today...wish me luck!