overheard

Patient (talking to nurse): I'm wondering if I should go to mass on Sunday because you know there are a lot of Hispanics that go to my church and I don't know if they've been to Mexico.

Nurse: Um maybe if you are worried you should stay home.

DUDE. I overheard this while I was in the bathroom next to the exam room. I can't believe the nurse didn't say anything else...like HELLO NOT ALL HISPANIC PEOPLE COME FROM MEXICO.

Because I work in a clinic that is part of a hospital, the swine flu is a big. FUCKING.deal and it is starting to freak me out. I don't really know if hearing about it all.the.time is healthy for me because I can tend to be a freaker outer. I hope this blows over soon and we can go back to worrying about the economy, at least then I don't worry about dying...

crib monster

I'm surprised ALL.THE.TIME when Eli does something or says something that a regular person would do. He really didn't do much at all for a long time, then he just started acting like a crazy monkey climbing on things and jumping off things that I thought it was more like having a really bad pet then a child... then he started talking and it was more like having a humongous rabid parrot because mostly he would just repeat stuff we said. Now he has started talking and we can actually have real conversations with him and it is blowing my mind.

But with the good always comes the bad and it has been breaking my heart that he will have to start dealing with real people issues. I already get Texas Cheerleader mom mad when some kid on the playground is mean to him, but luckily he doesn't even really notice yet. Last night we heard him start to cry hysterically so we both jumped up and ran in his room and he was sobbing and shaking in Teddy's arms and he couldn't really explain what was wrong. He calmed down and we put him back in bed and then this morning I asked him what had happened and said there was "something scary on the edge of my bed and I was crying." BROKE.MY. HEART. I hate that a tiny little boy can have nightmares, it seems so unfair...(I'm seriously hoping it was a nightmare)

I was reading today on the CDC website about the swine flu and it makes my stomach hurt trying to think of how to explain things like this to him (obviously we are not at that point yet) and how to make sure he isn't scared. That is one thing I remember about my parents is I never believed they took my fears/anxieties seriously and I remember that making me feel stupid and embarrassed and that just made me more anxious. I never want to make Eli feel that way.

Jogging Blogging

My sister wrote a post today about what to do if you get really thirsty while you are running which made me think of several other questions I have about jogging/running/plopping (that is what I call what I do "plopping"). I would love for you veteran joggers and new to jogging joggers to tell me how do you solve a problem like diarrhea (oh if you knew me you would know that I'm laughing and laughing because I sing that last sentence to the tune of that song from The Sound of Music and I think about how clever I am)?

1. One day I was out jogging on a really nasty, cold, drizzly day and there was really NO ONE else out. I was running around the pier and I noticed a group of about 6 or 7 junior high kids riding BMX bikes and I really didn't think anything of it. Well, as I got around the pier towards them one of them thought it would be funny to play a game of chicken with me and ride his bike directly at me, something in my head snapped and I lunged towards him and tried to push him off his bike when he barely swerved to miss me. His buddies laughed at him and they all rode off but I looked around and there was no one else around, and I don't carry a cell phone with me while I'm jogging. Do you ladies carry your cell phones or pepper spray or anything if you are out jogging by yourself?

2. Last Thursday I got a delicious lunch of Migas. They were so good, and I ate all of them but for the rest of the day my stomach sort of blurbled and I felt a little nauseous. By that evening I felt OK and decided to go for my run. I got about 20 minutes from my house and I knew things WERE NOT GOOD. I some way knew that as long as I kept running I would be OK but I had no keys so I couldn't run home, I had to run to find where Teddy and Eli were playing and as I suspected the second I stopped BAD things started happening and I wasn't sure if I was going to throw up or have diarrhea. I got the keys and started sprinting home (which FYI it seems the adrenaline of running stops the diarrhea/throw up reflex..it must have something to do with fight or flight). Anyway, I'm not sure I have a question here other than what exactly should you do if you realize that you need to use the bathroom IMMEDIATELY. I guess run home is really the only answer.

3. This Sunday I made an extremely poor decision to go jogging around 11 AM when there was absolutely no shade along the river and it was getting hotter and hotter by the minute. I had not drank very much water and I realized once I was about 15 minutes away that I was dehydrating quickly and I started to feel nauseous and panicky because I was afraid I was going to pass out, or vomit, or both. One thing about me is I can go from zero to HOLY SHIT PANIC OH MY GOD I'M DYING in about .2 seconds. The panicking about passing out was making it worse and I was so thirsty and dehydrated but they don't turn the water fountains on until after Memorial Day (yeah, I don't know) and I didn't have any money for a drink or my cell phone. Do you guys carry money or cell phones with you? What about water? Do you carry it in your hand while you run? That seems very annoying to me, and I am LOATHE to wear a fanny pack I honestly can not do it, so where the hell am I supposed to keep a cell phone or money?

HELP ME. I AM STUPID AND WILL DIE ALONE ON THE ROAD BECAUSE I HAVE NO WATER, CELL PHONE, PEPPER SPRAY, MONEY, OR IDENTIFICATION.

Polar bear, take 3

May 2007

May 2008

April 2009

One of the things I was thinking about as I was jogging this morning (HOLY HEAT! How come no one told me jogging in the heat is a whole new ballgame? I thought I was going to die, or throw up, or maybe pass out and it was only like 80 degrees) is that I really love traditions and that is something that makes me sad about moving.

I know we will get to make new traditions with more family and I think it will be very good, but I will miss the Spring trip to see the polar bear, and the annual Mother's Day picnic on the pier, and Eli's birthday at the sprinklers, and the same mall Santa we've seen for the last three years...and well anyway, you get my point...

Next year maybe we'll drive to Atlanta, they probably have a polar bear there...

ETA: I just checked the Atlanta Zoo website and they don't even have a Polar Bear, now I'm sad.

Columbus Circle, now and then...

April 2009

May 2008

Happy Earth Day

I am rolling out my earth day entry from last year and posting my updates because I'm lazy like that.

In celebration of Earth Day I give you my list (Yay, I love lists!) of what my little family is doing to reduce our impact on the earth, as well as the things we need to improve on.

Things we are already doing:

We don't own a car and we rarely take cabs. We walk whenever possible, and if we can't walk we take public transportation. Update: We still follow these rules although we do plan on buying a car before we move. We are buying a SUV (gasp). I know, I know, but here is the thing...we are only buying one car to share and we rented a house close to campus so Teddy can walk to work/school and we made sure to research which SUVs are fuel efficient and have low emissions and are going with the best which is the Honda CRV which is considered a COMPACT SUV. (shut up, I know that isn't much better, but it makes me feel a little less guilty. We just can not physically fit two adults, one child, one 90 lb dog inside a kennel, and two cats in a Prius.)

We do not buy bottled water. (check)

We buy organic as much as possible and eat very little meat (check, we have also started trying to buy more local produce when possible)

We recycle (check)

We changed all our light bulbs to the energy efficient kind (even thought the light is kind of weird, but you get used to it) (check, we have not had to replace a light bulb in over a year)

We turn off the water when we brush our teeth (check)

Things we should do:

Buy cloth bags for groceries. We are using the grocery bags to pick up dog shit, but I think we could find something more environmentally friendly to do that Update: We still have not done this, but are still using the bags to pick up dog poop...

I haven't made the switch to earth friendly cleaning products. I'm a little anal about cleaning and I like my Clorox Wipes Update: we have started making the switch to earth friendly cleaning products...dish soap, and glass cleaner I have products I love, I'm still working on cleaning wipes, any suggestions?

Turn the lights/TV off when we leave. I'm convinced the dog likes the TV on, and sometimes I'm too lazy to go around and make sure all the lights are off before I leave. Update: we are MUCH better about this, I always turn off the TV and I am much better about the lights

Stop using so many paper towels. There were several years in the beginning of our marriage that paper towels were a luxury we could not afford, now I think we get a little giddy with our paper towel usage. Update: This has been our biggest improvement, we went from using one roll of paper towels a week to using about one roll every 2-3 weeks. We hope to start using more cloth napkins once we have our own washer machine.

Things we should do, but probably won't:

Use cloth diapers. Without having my own washer/dryer I just don't see this one happening

Turn off the AC when I leave the apartment. I know, I know but I REALLY hate to be hot, and I don't want the dog to be hot when I'm not here.

side effects

I started a new birth control a couple of weeks ago and I HATE it. I have been feeling depressed, mopey and weepy for almost a week now and I have been bleeding EVERY day since April 7th ( is that too much information? I thought we were girl friends so I thought we could talk about this kind of stuff, maybe I'm wrong). I have absolutely no libido, but even if I did, the non stop bleeding sort of puts a damper on things.

Part of my job is to talk to patients about medication side effects and I know with a lot of medications the side effects can go away after the first month or two, but I just don't know if I can take it that long. Teddy and I still want to revisit the second child issue after we are moved, but right now just isn't a good time for us financially or emotionally. I'm afraid that once I decide it is a "good time" that I'll be too old, but that is a whole other blog post for another day.

I am pleased with myself that I have continued jogging even though I've been feeling crappy and depressed. The jogging actually seems to help with the depression a little. I have been able to jog for about 40 minutes continually. I am really pleased with my body because it has adapted fairly quickly. When I first started I was able to go about 15-20 minutes and I have been able to push myself to 40 minutes in a fairly short amount of time. It feels good and I am actually starting to enjoy it, rather than just wish I was dead for 40 minutes. I do have a post coming about all the other joggers I encounter on my runs and the categories I like to put them in to amuse myself.

I lost two pounds last week and I was very pleased with that because another possible side effect of this birth control from hell is weight gain. Great. No wonder it is 99% effective is because I will be a fat, bitchy, depressed, bleeding, basket case with no libido so actually having sex is really not even an issue.

protesting was never so funny

I know things are tough now, good people are losing their jobs and sad things are happening everywhere but dudes...DUDES all day today they have been talking about "teabagging" on TV and I can't be more amused. I laugh every time I hear it, I laugh when I think about it. I laugh that a bunch of white, old man douche bags have no idea what teabagging is and they go around saying it in all seriousness while the rest of us laugh at them. I can not wait to see Jon Stewart go to town on this.

Today is awesome.

all because I thought her pants were funny

• Today I was walking down the street and saw a fairly large women wearing a pair of stretch pants and pushing a stroller. Her stretch pants said "baby girl" across the ass. I don't get it. I guess it would make sense if it was on her stomach AND she was pregnant, but on her ass? Is her ass pregnant with a smaller ass? I decided I was going to get a pair of stretch pants and then some iron on letters, and put "something stupid" on my ass.
• That reminded me of a time several years ago when Teddy and I went to Florida to visit my dad, and my sister and her family. We were staying in an apartment my dad rented for the summer and this bizarre woman who lived in the same apartment complex was having a big party for her 30th birthday. She went out to celebrate and got a tattoo of a daiquiri spilling on the number 30. It was the most hilarious tattoo I have ever seen in person and my sister and I had to totally keep our shit together to not laugh in that ladies face. As Teddy would say "bless her heart" which is what he says instead of "stupid idiot" because he is from the South and polite.
• That story reminds me of a story from several years ago before Eli was on the scene. Teddy and I went to a bar to have a few drinks and after having several beers I told Teddy I thought we should go get each others names tattooed on ourselves. He readily agreed and off we went. He got my name tattooed on his bicep... and then I refused...Oh I laughed and laughed and laughed...I'm a bitch. I still laugh when I tell that story.

Happy Candy Day!

So as it turns out I have no self control. This weekend I was like an alcoholic at an open bar, let me just list for you the candy I have had since Friday:

• Runts
• Laffy Taffy
• Sweet Tarts
• Nerds
• M&Ms
• Robin Eggs (malted milk balls)
• Jelly Bellys
• Sugar cookies (which I don't even really like)
• Reese's Peanut Butter Bunny

I.CAN.NOT.STOP. I have instructed Teddy to rid the house of ALL candy tomorrow and I will enter sugar detox. I did punish myself for my candy OD by running Friday, 30 Day Shred yesterday, and then another run today. I'm just hoping I haven't gained at tomorrows weigh in!

Besides the diabetic shock that I will probably be going into soon, we had a great Easter. Eli loved, loved, loved his "little guitar" that the Easter bunny brought and plays it very seriously and makes Teddy sing. In other news Eli is still using his pacifier to sleep. I lasted all of about two minutes last night. He was perfectly happy to put his pacifier on the plate with the cookies we left out for the Easter Bunny and then once we read his story and put him in bed he started asking for his bebes...I just couldn't stand how sad he seemed so I gave them back. I really suck at this. He will be the only kid in high school with a diaper and a pacifier.

Happy Easter Eve!

Yesterday we made Easter cookies. They NEVER look like I imagine them. They always end up looking like a blind toddler made them. I don't know what my problem is but cookie making is just not one of my talents. I ate about 10 handfuls of the cookie decorations and then wanted to throw up. I have really been craving sweets and candy lately and I had told Teddy that I was going to have some candy this weekend! The first couple of fistfuls I shoved in my mouth tasted really awesome...by the time I got to the last handful they tasted too sweet and were sort of making me nauseous. I will have to say that my limit yesterday, was no where near where my old limit would have been. In the olden days we would not have any of the M&Ms left, today I sent Teddy to work with about half of the bag....

We are very excited about Easter tomorrow. Eli is understanding the concept more and more that the Easter Bunny is coming and bringing him candy! and toys! We are still telling him he has to give his pacifiers to the Easter Bunny for the baby bunnies and he is very agreeable but I don't think he really understands that means he won't have them anymore. We will see. I already told Teddy I'm not going to force it...

Here is an Easter gift for you because I like you. When Eli was about 7 months old Target was selling these bunny costumes. I could not resist and we spent Eli's first Easter dragging him around town in this costume, we loved it.

8 is enough?

Oh dear. Oh, I officially have no shame. Here is the thing. I bought myself a pair of motivation jeans in a petite size 8. They came today and I will have to say I was pleasantly surprised I could button them. Oh, it wasn't comfortable and it looks like absolute hell, but they buttoned. I think the last time I wore a size 8 I was probably in college. I am THRILLED to be able to button a single digit size. When I started this journey I was comfortably wearing a size 16.

My goal is to be able to wear these pants (and look good in them) when we go to my sister's house over Memorial Day. Teddy's band is playing that weekend and I want to look HOTT, not old and fat. I sometimes feel bad for Teddy because when we started dating I was probably a few pounds less than I am now, but in the next several years I put on fifty pounds. I did have a nine pound baby and I put on a lot of weight after I started taking antidepressants for the PPD, but still...He never has said ANYTHING but I know he has to notice. A big part of this has been to look better for myself, but honestly it has also been about looking better for him too.

Weight loss has been a major part of my life for the last several months, and that has been very apparent in my writing but I don't want to forget about my son who is changing and making us laugh every day. Yesterday was the first time he made up a word from his imagination. He was telling us about a Daboof bird that he saw flying in his room and it goes DABOOF and it made him laugh hysterically (he is just like his mother, he laughs at his own lame jokes). He also likes to pretend to be a baby penguin and he is still into practicing his skating/surfing moves on a Frisbee or his high chair tray.

Crunch time (maybe literally)

I found out yesterday that Eli's swim lessons start on May 9th. Oh dear. I'm not quite ready for bathing suit season yet, and I was thinking the earliest I would have to be in a swimsuit would be Memorial Day.

I did not lose any weight last week even with jogging four times. I'm still feeling in a bit of a slump and it is the same story as always. I have lost 42 pounds and dammit I'm STILL fat. What the hell? I'm feeling emotional and fragile and I look at my body and it still does not look like I want it to, and I'm JUST NOW starting to realize that maybe it never will.

We are looking forward to Easter and because we do not follow any religion Easter to us is the Easter Bunny and CANDY. I told Teddy that I am having some candy (dammit!) and then it just makes me feel guilty because how am I ever going to look like a Victoria's Secret model if I eat candy, and then I remember OH YEAH I'm 5'2" I'm probably not EVER going to look like a Victoria's Secret model.

In moving news: OH MY GOD WE ARE MOVING! That is about it. We are starting to figure out logistics of actually physically moving our shit and damn it is a pain in the ass. We were all set to hire a moving company to move every scrap of our life from NJ to AL and then did you know it can take weeks (!) for them to get your shit to your house? I don't even get that? What am I supposed to do without my clothes or a bed for weeks (!)? We finally asked my BIL to help us out (yay for family!) and thankfully he has agreed. Now that I have a house to live in, I am starting to get really anxious about a job, because you know houses aren't free and who the hell is going to get a job in this economy?

My anxiety will never end, and I'm starting a new birth control and I saw that one of the side effects is weight gain. Ugh. Now I am actually stressed about that. Why, why can't I be a normal person?

The harder it is, the better it is in the end...

ha ha ha, I am really cracking myself up over that title, I thought of it hours ago.

Yesterday was a not my favorite day. I woke up and it was dreary, chilly and raining and it automatically put me in a sour mood. I went to work and put up with normal work bullshit but then I had to go to a meeting afterwards. Imagine you were a lawyer (I'm not) and you have to go to a meeting where the presidents of the International Lawer Society (ILS) were there and there was also a bunch of bitter people that had lost their court cases and you were the only lawyer in the room and the discussion for two hours was Hey! lawyers suck! They are all mean! and horrible! and they don't want to help us! Let's have more meetings and make the lawyers come so we can tell them about how sucky they are!

Then I finally got to leave to go stand in the rain for 30 minutes and wait for the bus. It was just as awesome as you would imagine. The bus finally came and I went home and ate a nice healthy dinner and had some cantaloupe and sliced apple for dessert. I was so thankful for the day to be over and I climbed into bed. A few hours after falling asleep I heard the horrible barking seal cough of a croupy toddler. I went and got Eli and sat with him in the bathroom with the shower running while he sobbed and sobbed. I finally calmed him down and got him back in bed and then I could.not.sleep because Eli was probably dying so I had to keep getting up every few hours to check on him but I couldn't sleep in between and I laid there feeling anxious and exhausted, only to realize a few hours into it that Hey! guess what, my throat is killing me. Yay!

I spent most of today exhausted and kind of dragging through my day but when I got home Teddy and Eli were ready for us to go out to the park for me to do my jog, and you know what, it sucked. It was hard and I was so tired but I did it and I felt great afterward. I was so proud of myself because the old me would have said "fuck it" I had a bad day I'll go home, eat some snacks and take a nap...but this is better because the harder it is, the better it is in the end...(oh man, that is still cracking me up)