I don't pray. I don't believe in God, so praying isn't really my thing. I obviously don't mind when others pray, and if people want to pray for me, I'll always take it (although I do get really annoyed when people thank God for their Oscar or for their World Series Win, it just annoys me that they are so self centered they would think it that God would give a crap about the Oscars).
Today I applied for another job online and after I did it I looked up, closed my eyes and sent a thought to the universe. I just said "please." I need a new job for my family, for my mental health, for our physical health as our insurance runs out this summer, and for my self esteem. I know if there is one giant ass list of everyone in the universe's needs/wants mine is going to be somewhere towards the bottom but dudes honestly, I deserve it. I'm a good employee. I'm a good person. I have spent the last almost 6 years helping less fortunate people for really shitty money.
This month hasn't been as bad as the last couple of months in the money department because I have my pet sitting money. I feel like the job of pet sitter should go to a college kid with acne who needs beer money..not a 33 year old woman with a Master's degree, but when money was offered I took it where normally I would have waved it off and told people they owed me one. I'm bitter and sad and honestly getting desperate. I am really thankful to have my current sucky job because I don't even like to think about where we would be without it....whereas now things are very tight, uncomfortably so, I think without we would have been absolutely screwed.
I feel stupid because we made this choice and in four years I'll probably think it is a good one (assuming Teddy gets a job), but now I'm starting to wonder if this was the best decision at this point in time. I think it will be OK, I hope it will be OK, but sometimes I start to wonder why? Why would I assume it would be OK for me, when it isn't for so many people?
Ugh, this is just so terribly depressing and emo and I swear I'm not walking around being a giant bag of depressing crap. I am usually in a pretty good mood, and I'm usually pretty happy but this is where I come to vent my frustrations so you get my angsty angst.
Next up, pictures of stuff that makes me happy...
About Me
- Penny
- I work. I have a toddler named Eli(born August 2006). I have a dog and two cats and one husband (Teddy). I like to write about mothering, marriage, crafting, and my general opinion on things. I used to have another blog, but I was too liberal with my personal information and got creeped out. I hope to have a permanent home here! I have been on a weight loss journey since May 2008 and I tend to write a lot about my struggles with that. My family just moved from NJ to AL and I'm currently working, but I'm still looking...
8 comments:
i dont pray either but ill definitely be sending a few heartfelt "pleases" out there for you.
you shouldnt feel bad about pet sitting. you're doing what you can, and that's admirable. one of my very good friends, a highly educated gal our age, is a pet sitter in her spare time. she also babysits. every little bit helps. ive taken up selling used books online. it doesnt make much, but money is money and ya gotta do whatcha gotta do. every bit helps.
i know i say this all the time, but hang in there. :)
Cripes. I had this whole comment typed and then b/c the mister was logged into his gmail account it came up with some weird 'null' name as the commenter and then I lost it trying to get my own name signed in.
So here goes. Although I do believe in God, I don't believe in praying for specific things (duh) but I definitely believe in throwing out giant heartfelt all caps PLEASES to the universe. You're right--you DO deserve better. You chose to work in a selfless field that is under-appreciated and underpaid and undervalued. Our country is so screwed up in this regard. And FWIW those athletes and actors who thank God for their accolades annoy the crap out of me too.
Kudos to you for taking the pet sitting money. It's all green and it all spends the same.
Sending you some useless internet hugs too...
Fingers crossed that you get the job, Penny. And hey, blogs are here so you don't have to take everything out on your husband (which I keep telling mine that it could be so much worse, lol).
i know what you mean. i am so feeling it. i also am not as glum/depressed/whackado as i sound on my blog, but hell, it's my blog and if i want to whine so be it. i do soooooo very much hope you get a better job and that i get a job. i really, really really hope these things.
I'm just the same. I don't believe in God and I don't pray, but being jobless has me making pleas to the "universe" just the same.
At stuff like the Oscars, I like how when people thank God for letting them win, it makes it look like that God likes them but just totally dissed the other candidates. God is that bitchy/choosy, huh?
I hope you get it! I will be sending out PLEASEs, energy, juju, prayers, etc. I know your current job isn't even remotely close to ideal, so I hope this one comes through for you. It's hard to work where you don't really love it, but you HAVE to. It's hard to do day in and day out. Crossing my fingers for you!
Oh, and there's crazier things than pet-sitting (which is a totally legit job BTW) that we have and are doing to save/earn money. It is what it is. Cash is cash. And plus, with pet sitting, it's actually kinda fun if you like animals.
Kudos to you for taking the pet sitting money. It's all green and it all spends the same.
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