disorder in the (food) court

I think about food all.the.time. No really. You probably think I'm exaggerating but I really do. I like to plan out all the things I'm going to eat in a day and if I know I'm going out to eat I'll look at the menu online to decide what I want so I can think about it before we go there. I think about breakfast when I eat dinner, lunch when I eat breakfast, and dinner when I eat lunch.

I love candy and sweets. If someone brings a box of donuts to work I will go in the break room several times just to LOOK at the donuts, then I'll go around and ask people if they ate the donuts and ask how they tasted. I like to look in the snack machine and think about what snack I would get, if I were to get a snack. I like to plan "parties" around eating lots of food. Easter to me? Candy day.

I obviously have relationship issues with food and yet when someone suggested to me I have an eating disorder, I was....surprised and then more interested.

I work in the mental health field, and have for some time, and it is not uncommon to sit around with your co workers and talk about your various issues/anxieties/eccentricities and diagnose each other and discuss what kind of good meds you may or may not have in your medicine cabinet.

A few days ago we were standing around work talking, and someone had delivered some food baskets to go to needy families. I peeked in the basket and saw a box of Girl Scout cookies and I mentioned that I could easily eat a whole box in one sitting (and have) and that is why I run to the opposite side of the street if I see a cute little be-pig tailed Girl Scout. One of my co workers looked at me and very seriously said "have you ever gotten therapy for your eating disorder?" I laughed and said no, and said I look freaking awesome for a girl that used to down whole boxes of Girl Scout cookies. We all had a good laugh.

I have thought about that comment several times since it was mentioned and I am not upset or annoyed, it was more that I had never considered myself to have an eating disorder and yet when I really consider my history with food, it seems like I probably do. I guess because I don't throw up, or starve myself it just never occurred to me. I am obsessed with food, and a lot of the times I just don't feel satiated. I almost always feel like I want to eat more and I just rarely feel satisfied with "normal" amounts of food. I think with the amount I run I should be SKINNY but because I like to eat so much I just can't get there.

My friend today mentioned she was feeling upset that that comment had been made about me, and honestly I told her I didn't mind. I have been more aware of what I eat, and how much these last couple of days (although it hasn't stopped me from over eating) and I understand if I would just wait a little while the urge would pass, but in that moment I just WANT the food so bad I can barely stand it.

I still don't have any answers about my relationship with food, but I jokingly told a friend that I can remember once someone in my family having a birthday and we got an Ice Cream cake from Baskin Robbins and CUT IT IN FOUR PIECES and each ate 1/4 of the cake. I think that could start explaining some things....

ETA: I just ate a piece of candy out of the trash. Do you still think I'm exaggerating?